9 Birth Story Daddy Bootcamp: From Pre-Parenthood to Now, What Changed and What Stayed the Same?

Welcome to the first Birth Story Podcast Daddy Bootcamp episode featuring Derek, Garin, and Wells, 3 dads with stories to tell and secrets to share. Heidi sits down with the boys to talk parenting shop and hear their versions of the birth of their children. The dads all agree that their favorite baby product is a velcro swaddle.

Looking for a Virtual Doula to create a custom birthing experience and guide you through your journey to parenthood in the United States? Contact Heidi at www.mydoulaheidi.com

For additional free birth education resources and to purchase Heidi’s book, Birth Story: Pregnancy Guidebook + Journal, visit www.birthstory.com.

Want to share your thoughts on the episode? Leave a review and send a message directly to Heidi on Instagram.

TRANSCRIPTION

What does a contraction feel like? How do I know if I'm in labor and what does the day of labor look like? Wait, is this normal? Hey, I'm Heidi Campbell, a certified birth doula host of this podcast, birth story and owner of my doula, Heidi. I have supported hundreds of women through their labor and deliveries.

And I believe that every one of them and you deserves a microphone and a stage. So here we are listen each week to get answers to these tough questions and more birth story, where we talk about pregnancy labor deliveries, where we tell our stories, share our feelings. And of course chat about our favorite baby products and motherhood.

And because I'm passionate about birth outcomes, you will hear from some of the top experts in labor and delivery, whether you are pregnant, trying desperately to get pregnant. I hope you will stick around and be part of this trial episode, 10 daddy bootcamp. All right, moms. Cause I know you're my target audience.

Grab your partner. And get prepared for a little daddy bootcamp. And I have to say I'm really excited about this episode, because if you go to iTunes right now and you type in daddy bootcamp, I might be one of only two episodes on all of iTunes with this title. Okay, so now everybody's comfortable. You've got the mix, like, you know, we're cheap cheeked in and you're going to like talk out.

So we're just gonna see if you scratch your face, you gonna hear it. And if you do this and you know, it's okay. Hopefully we're going to tell everybody that we're drinking beer. So I'm Heidi with the birth story podcast. And I've got three of my favorite dads with me today. So Garren, Wells and Derek, and, uh, we just grabbed some beer and we are ready to dig into our first daddy bootcamp.

It's going to be incredible. So Garren, let's start tell us a little bit about yourself and how old your baby is and who your wife is. I'm Garren gross. Uh, my wife has Madeline and we welcomed our little guy Baker. Tie, uh, into the world on may the 29th, two Oh eight. So how old does that make him now?

Eight and a half months. Okay. Yeah. All right. Well, tell us about you. Uh, Wells Vance got a little six week old at the house. Uh, wonderful wife, Sarah. Um, and then Derek, can you introduce yourself? Derek Whitmeyer? My wife, Sarah as well. Uh, we have a two and a half year old. And we have another daughter that is on the way and due date for that is April 18th.

Okay. So right now we've got eight and a half months, six weeks old pregnant, and then also a two and a half year old. So we have like so much to learn from you guys. It's going to be awesome. Let's do a cheers. Raise your beers. Cheers. There you go. Cheers. We did a lot of heavy lifting. All right. So the reason that we're doing this podcast today on birth story is because this is going to be free daddy bootcamp.

So we're here to talk to all of our listeners or. All of our listeners partners that they're forcing to listen to this episode of the, versus the story podcast on, um, you know, the transition to becoming a dad for the first time, for the second time and kind of what that, that looks like. So I'm going to start with pregnancy.

All right. We're going to get real. And I'm going to ask you some tough questions. I apologize to the wives in advance. I want to hear. Start with Garren. Um, how, and from your perspective was Madeline's pregnancy. How did, how did you handle her pregnancy? Well, before we decided to have a baby, we wanted to travel and, you know, enjoy each other first.

And we felt that we did that over a two or three year, I guess, two year span, leading up to. Her getting pregnant. And I guess it was around the August timeframe. It didn't take that long. And we said, all right, we'll get the party started. And whenever it happens and happens and you know, great, we'll be awesome.

And when it finally did happen, it was like, Holy shit, this is real now. Like we were prepared as much as you can be. Uh, but at the same time, it was a. You know, you, you try to research, you try to learn, you try to do things to prepare yourself. But as, as the process goes along, he F he found out that there is no right book.

There's no right website. There's no, everybody's got fucking advice for you. And at the end of the day, you, you make it. Make it your own, but her pregnancy was awesome. And it only took, how long did you try? I mean, it started like in August, at, or around her birthday time, I guess. And then bam, by like middle of September.

So like I told her, I said, And you can get a lot of mileage out of it. So that's my next question. When was the next time you had Zach, after you found out she was pregnant? Well, she had a morning sickness for, as she, and I asked her to truly tell me what, what did it feel like? A 24 seven hangover was her response, uh, and it lasted for four and a half months.

I think the last time there was like a four and a half month span, might've been fucking birth 10. Right. But at the same time, it's like trying to keep at the forefront. And, and of course, if she's not feeling good, you know, even Toms that I'd even pick and. Prod a little bit, you know, if you want to, we can, how did you help her when she wasn't feeling good?

I just, you hate to say being her servant, but just kind of as if she was sick. So anything that she needed and a lot of times just being personable to bring her something home, or, you know, if it's. Her favorite drink or food, or just to make her feel comfortable or to take care of obviously, uh, I mean the five love languages book.

She's a big access service person. That's her, like here are the other four and then access services way up here. And she is just complete evil. Anything that I could do. Like if it's laundry and we're, we're a team, no matter what, but she I'm sure, really appreciated me taking it a step further, trying to basically take almost everything off the plate so she could focus on just resting and feeling awesome.

And she, was she working throughout her pregnancy? Yeah, she did. Yeah. Worked for a Danner brothers still. So, uh, Okay, so Wells. I know, I mean, and Sarah was already on here, but from your perspective, like how did pregnancy go for Sarah? So I honestly thought it would be a big change, big mood swing for a, she honestly stayed pretty much the same, even kill throughout the entire time.

I was waiting for, to eat the pickles and ice cream and random things that she wanted. But. You know, she was, uh, more or less just kinda moved from like spinach salads to my kind of style pizza and beer and burgers and stuff like that. So, um, you know, the pregnancy, she, she really didn't change too much overall.

So it was really nice and kind of easy for us to get into it. We've been together 10 years at that point. And, uh, you know, we were ready to have our first. And she didn't really suffer from a lot of the sickness or anything like that. No morning sickness, non, what was that moment like when you found out that you guys were having a baby, like, how did she tell you she was pregnant?

So we had a couple of friends coming over that night. And we were going to go all out to eat and she had just taken a pregnancy test when the cheap ones had gotten off, like Amazon, like a hundred of them and she tested it and then ended up with like the blue lines. And she was like, Oh crap. I think I'm pregnant.

So she went and got like three more of them and did the same thing. And she was like, Wells. I were pregnant. And I was like, all right, you know, I was so excited. So I was like, well, let's go, uh, you know, get one of the nice ones from CVS or whatever, go spend 40 bucks on and, uh, ended up same thing. So we kinda, you know, felt real blessed at that moment.

And, um, it was, uh, you know, Not nine months from there. So I'm going to ask you this same question. And so Guerin's away. He was a little bit sick. Sarah didn't really have a lot of that sickness. So when was the next time you had sex? So it really didn't stop. I think it was even that night. Okay. Like a little celebrate story go.

Okay. So just right there, that's a really good point for anyone who's listening, like dads that are listening is like, hate your wife, me feel great, but she may not feel great either. So like really kind of finding that balance. Um, so Derek tough question to, you know, go. So yeah, we already interviewed you a couple of weeks ago on what it was like, but let's just kind of recap because Derek you, this Derek and Sarah had an unplanned pregnancy and so just kind of share.

Um, your reaction and how her pregnancy went from your perspective. Yeah. Everybody hear that scratching. Scratchiness. Hopefully it's so my reaction wasn't good. My mainly because we had been married for five or six months and it was. A massive shift. It was, it didn't feel like the marriage was gonna last to me.

So, you know, and a lot of guys I've talked to have said that they've experienced this. I, I thought it was a hoax or something, but I, and you know, even people who lived with their spouse before they got married, had told me, you know, yeah. It changes when you get married. And I'm like, I mean, I've known this person since we were in college.

So I don't really see that. Man. I mean, the expectations were just different, like totally different. And, uh, so it was kind of a scary time and it wasn't even talking about kids wasn't anywhere in the picture because I didn't see her still wanting to be married to me a year from then I thought, you know, well, I was going to do my normal, just wait for them to leave kind of thing.

Cause I hate change. So I'm like, Oh, she seems miserable. Eventually she's gonna, she's gonna dump me and I'll be back to square one and whatever, back to the drawing board. But, uh, she was like, she was pregnant. Yeah. And, um, that was terrifying. So I reacted in like every bad way imaginable initially. But you guys liked each other a little bit.

If you are still having sex. Yeah, but I mean, if a baby came to be, yeah, I can't even, I don't know. I think it was a makeup sex thing. Like we had one of our knockdown drag outs and then, and then we made up as we do and. There you go. So let me just ask you that same question too. So how was her pregnancy though?

Like, from your perspective, do you feel like she was healthy and felt good or was she sick? How was she doing? She was miserable. She hated every second of it. And was, you know, and also dealing with the fact that she didn't have for the first. Six weeks or a couple months a supportive husband. Um, in the sense that, I mean, I just didn't know what was gonna happen.

It felt like she was disconnected from me to begin with. And then you talk about adding, being pregnant to that and all the fear and anxiety and unknowns that come with that. I was a distant. Second, like not even anywhere on her radar, as far as being concerned with me and what, you know, it was her and the baby, which is probably makes sense of what it should be.

So let me stop right there. Wells and Garren. Did you guys ever feel like you were a distant second to the pregnancy? Like for me, uh, from the beginning, like I said, I made Madeline and I grew up in the same neighborhood when we were kids. Yeah, we've known each other for 20 years. Uh, she was my girlfriend on and off through middle school and elementary school.

I always tell people I've loved her since I was little. And so we've always just kind of had, we were super, really good friends too before that. Uh, so it was hand in hand. We experienced everything together from. Start to finish. So, um, I mean, no secrets. She would tell me how she felt that type of deal. Oh, you're out right now because let's just do it.

Let's just get the scratches out because I touched Guerin that like, if you scratch your beard, everyone's going to hear it, but then he's going to do it the whole time anyway. So let's just do it. Let's just. Let's have a beer scratch in moment. Come on now, do it. Come on. I'm just giving you are done. So, um, well, same question to you.

Did you feel like you are coming in second place or did you feel like a team? You know, I definitely felt like we were. Sarah Sarah is more of a lead person, so I just kind of let her do her thing. And, um, I, you know, I just tried to be the supportive person, but she would never really tell me if there was a level of pain.

Anyways. She's just one of those people that, you know, she's already ran a marathon she's, you know, has no level of, um, you know, tolerance. She puts up with me daily. So it's a. Yeah, you're so funny. His wave hiked mountain Kilimanjaro without training for it. She got, she liked Crowder's mountain. That was her training.

Correct. Which is for anyone who's not in the Charlotte area. Crowder's mountains. Like what elevation to 2000 to train for. I don't even know. What the elevation is 19,000 for Malcolm. Yeah. They're in macho peachy, so yeah, so she's, she's pretty tough. Okay. So my next question is, um, and you guys, anybody can chime in at anytime, but when did you feel like you became a dad?

I'd say for me, it was probably closing in within that eight month period when I was starting to put together like a, you know, the stroller and starting to put in that I was starting to see a bedroom come together for like a little, um, felt my wife's stomach kick. The first time I was like, wow, this is getting kind of crazy right now.

I was like, this would be pretty surreal here in the next month. Yeah. So you really started to kind of feel that like, dad. Yes. It was beyond the bond of hearing like the heartbeat, um, at the doctor's office. I mean, it was more or less coming, coming to the fact that I'm getting ready to have something in my arms.

Yeah. Cool. The whole process was fascinating for me. Uh, but you know, like you said, here in the heartbeat and the little things leading up, putting the things together, the, the baby shower. Even though up until that point, you don't see them, but once you actually see them, it's still at the point, it was like, is this real?

Like, is somebody going to take their baby back with them? Uh, for me it was getting in the car. To go home and it's like, they're letting us leave this hospital as your son's coming out of your wife's vagina. And you're watching that go down. It's still wasn't real quick. It was real. It was like, I mean, it just, it didn't sink in completely.

Uh, I mean, holding them into the experience, like I said was fascinating, but it was the rod home when we were leaving all the help and. How do you've known me for quite a few years now. I'm never short on questions and I used and abused the nurses with questions and stuff in the process because you want to be for sure.

And this is the first time for me and her given Madeline's introverted, you know? So it's, it's more of, yeah. Uh, you know, When you were like, were you afraid, like how to put him in the car seat or how to hold him or how to swaddle him or bottling was one I'm the smartest baby on the block, I think is the name of the book.

Happiest. Happy, happy baby. Yes. As and w swaddle is one of the S's. I know, of course you can look at the diagram, you can watch the nurse, but every time Madeline would be like swaddle him, you know? And I asked the nurse to come in real quick. Can you show me one more time? I know how to do this. So do you watch any YouTube videos on swaddling?

Oh, absolutely. The end all be all is when we got home and we got the ones that have the fucking Velcro and he just pal flight all is done. Swaddle is done, but it was like I said, leaving the. Hospital. And it was me and her and he was in the back seat and it was like, wow, this is my family. Yeah. Derek, Derek.

When did you feel like a dad for the first time? It's an evolution. I mean, I think the bigger her stomach got, you know, the more, it seems like, man, there's really a human in there and, um, you know, I would say. I mean, it's hard not to have a conversation about this without at least observing. Um, you know, when does a life begin type of a thing, which is very controversial, very personal to a lot of people.

Um, well, I mean, I don't know. I don't ha I don't have a strong opinion about that, but I do know that like, most things that are very con, like, um, Exists on a spectrum and everybody's different. And has. Different feelings. And some people have really strong feelings. It changes, it evolves how you think today is not going to be how you think five years from now, 10 years from now, once you've gone through an experience and, you know, to watch my wife who I didn't know, loved me, you know, or didn't know if it was going to last or whatever.

Go through an experience like that and watch the biology of all that happening before my eyes. Um, you know, it, when she just looks at you and tell you she's pregnant and you don't think you have a great marriage, that's a different thing than somebody. That. Okay. So my wife, you know, is a go getter. I mean, she, she, we met in college, she got two degrees in less time than it took me to get one.

She got her PhD before she was 25. And then she's like, she is a little bit yeah, control freak. And that intimidates me a little bit, but we know each other. So it's like we had a great dating relationship and, you know, I was very attracted to her for lots of reasons, but, um, There's she's got a force field around her.

And, uh, that, that just came crumbling down with the experience of growing a child inside of her. And that was very attractive to me. And that in a lot of ways saved our marriage because I was like that vulnerability is something that I needed to see. And it let you in cause she needed you. She had to lean on you.

Cause I'm saying like that everyone who's listening here, you guys are going to great place now. And baby number two is on the way. And so I want you to answer the question also from the second baby perspective, because now you're already a dad and now she's pregnant again. So was it more real earlier or was it.

Still see Witten when the babies, her belly was growing again. No, I mean, it's totally different because I wanted to have a sibling for my Shaya and, uh, and, uh, you know, uh, a bigger family. Just, I just wanted that desperately and knew that the timing was never going to feel awesome, you know, but I had to struggle to get my CFP certified financial planning designation, you know, and that's a two year process and I failed the first time.

So it was longer for me. And, and I wanted to get over that hump because that put a lot of stress on her, uh, while I was going through that. And, uh, the idea was if I got over that hump, then. It'd be like, really, I feel good about it and exciting. And that's exactly what it was. I just didn't know, like guaran, you know, and I know you will have and have had people that struggle to get pregnant and it's really, really, uh, not.

Talked about thing. I don't know why it's taboo, but like so many of our really close friends, uh, it becomes really emotional, you know, and nobody here had a fertility journey, right? Everybody got pregnant pretty easily. The next time I do a daddy bootcamp, I'll probably do like three dads that had a fertility journey.

So we had a false idea. Because seeing all that were like, I was like, this is going to take a long time. It's going to be a great fun time, you know, try and, and try. And

do you have something to tell me? Oh no, no, no, no, no. I met us in, like he talked about like, Oh my gosh, try man. The Gates are open. We're going to have some fun now. First try. Yeah, it was um, okay, so we're good. I'm going to jump off topic real quick and go to something. Cause you mentioned. Your job and being a CFP.

And I know that Guerin, you work for a pharmaceutical company and sales Wells. I feel like you're in sales for something. What do you do in logistics and logistics? Okay. So what was, everybody's like return to work plan? Like how much time did you get off work before you had to go back? Um, with our pharmaceutical company, uh, you get four weeks or it's 28 calendar days.

So it's basically a full month. Uh, and from the day that. Baby's born. So four weeks at home and I have to say, and I know that it is more advocated than it ever has been and rightfully so, I would wish that everybody could experience from a, from a dad perspective. And it's sad that some moms go directly close to directly back to work, but to spend every moment of those four weeks to wake up.

And grab them and to take every nap. Those four weeks were the best. And when I went back to work, I had no guilt and I was ready. It was bonded. Unbelievable family bonding time is what it's called. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Well, what about now? I know. Let's tell this story. Okay. Let's just, let's just rip the bandaid ride open because trip, his little baby was born on December 31st, 2018.

And then what happened on January 1st, 2019, January 1st, 2019 would be two weeks for me to have paid off at work. Um, so I missed it by 10 hours. From getting a paternity leave at my company. So that for everybody listening, let's just like, let's talk about how bad that sucks. Right? Like, so it's awesome because your baby was born and he's healthy, but you had to go right back to work.

So I am very fortunate. I do have, you know, six weeks of vacation each year. Unlike a lot of people have been at the same company for a long time. Um, but. Um, my, my inlaws actually were there. So. We come back from the hospital on Tuesday, Wednesday, I stay, I'll stay home and I go back to work Thursday. So, I mean, I'm, I take one day off.

Wow. Okay. You can go right back. Okay. And then your, but you have those vacation days, right? Can you use them whenever? I guess more or less? It was probably gonna use it when Sarah goes back to work at the end of March, which is three months. So take a couple of weeks off with them before we put them in.

Yeah. Do you feel like you're missing something? Like, do you feel sad about that? So I currently enjoy every little morning, waking up snagging on changing his diaper, hanging out with them a second and then hand them off to Sarah. And then every night when I come home, it's my time and his time, because Sarah is like, Oh, I can go to the grocery store.

I can go do this. So I get on my full bond time right there. And I'm just like, At that, at that time I get more of his awake time, then him just the napping time. Cause then at nine o'clock, 10 o'clock and go put them in my arms and he's trying to take a nap and we can both go to sleep early. So you guys are really like tag teaming it, you know, like you're, you know, she's got him during the day, then you've got him in the morning and at night that's kind of a nice balance to you to still get that bond.

And then Derek, how does, um, your company do they offer paternity leave? Yeah. It's um, it came in to place few months before Shai was born. So that was really good timing. I had to the other end of that spectrum, where it worked out perfectly. And, uh, some of my friends actually were pregnant at the time when we found out that that was the new policy and, uh, it was pretty cause it's six weeks and you can split it up.

I, I think I did like a month or. Three weeks. And then. Took some time, but yeah, it's interesting. The spread, right? So your Vanguard gives you six weeks. Wells, your company just implemented two weeks. Um, AstraZeneca gives four weeks. I think that's pretty standard in that industry. And then the banking industry gives 12 weeks.

He works for bank of America and he gets 12 weeks. You know, when are the guys that work on their own. Yeah. So it's really like, just to kind of like, let's just put that out in the world. We have a huge discrepancy between paternity leave in this country, depending on what, um, company you work for. And then I'll go back to Derek because you got the most time off.

So when you went back to work, did you feel like super bonded was Shaya? Like you got. Uh, or did you want to stay home longer or were you ready to go back to work sooner? I mean, I was enamored with her. I was amazed at the whole experience. I remember the day she was born, we had been in the hospital for 24 hours.

I woke up, watched the sunrise from our hospital window and took a photo of it because I was like, this is the day I become a dad. Like, this is a really big deal and I was crying and like, It was a great experience and I loved having her in our home and I knew, but it was really, really hard also for Sarah and me.

I liked holding her, you know, and, but really I was, I was in another place too mentally. I, I, I just was foreshadowing the needs of our family and yeah, it was tough. No, that's a big deal. When you have like a big stressor, a big deadline at work and you have a baby that's on the way. And you know, that getting that next promotion is going to provide a lot more for your family.

Like, I think it's pretty admirable. All right. So let's. Let's get it into the, the delivery. You know, I have the benefit of two of these people. I was their doula. I mean, God, Aaron, what is wrong with you? And Madeline are not hiring me. I will tell you this Madeline. I did that. And now I, you know, I do, I do a lot of art.

She's introverted, I'm extroverted, but when she talks I'll listen, you know, I learned that she did say I would, I would actually have ha had he is my daughter. Cause she's a very private person, but we actually. Talked about this earlier today of just how the childbirth process changed her whole mentality around privacy when it comes to that.

So you'll probably be getting a call. I did get an opportunity to talk to you guys on the phone a couple of times to prepare for the birth and, you know, just, they had questions that came up. So that was really good. But just dive in, tell me about the day of delivery. From your perspective, like how did it go down?

All right. So, uh, Memorial day weekend and, uh, it's on a Sunday. So it's, you're teetering what, I want to have a couple cocktails, but I don't want to go too deep because tonight could be the night. Uh, her best friend was at the Lake and, uh, her sister-in-law was there. She's a pediatric nurse and she said the baby's going to be awhile.

Maybe it will be awhile. Then baby came, then drink, go enjoy some cocktails, enjoy. And, uh, that next morning in between four and five, her water broke. And then I was like, are you sure? There's, I've never seen what a water break looks like. So yeah, she's in the shower. I'm like show you. Yeah. Yeah. So she like kinda swaddles her legs and I'm like, Oh, okay.

Water's broke. All right. Like her, she showed you her wet pants or no, she was in the shower. And then, I mean, kind of spread her legs a little bit. They just see it coming out, coming out, Scott it, the first experience there. And you're like, that's not pee or shower. What is it? That's okay. All right. That's the real deal.

Okay. So is she in labor or did a water break first? And she wanted, we called because she wanted to hold out as long as they would let her before we actually went to the hospital. So, okay. Uh, if I'm not mistaken, it was around. Uh, six or seven, we get to the hospital and they get her checked in. And, uh, she doesn't have Baker until that next day at two Oh eight.

So it was a 22 hour, 2:08 AM. So it's 22, two hour labor process. Uh, but even when we were there, so of course I have a hundred million questions and I'm like, is she experiencing contractions yet? And of course they've hooked her up to the belt and she's explained it to me saying she's actually had some, she probably just doesn't fill them yet.

No Madeline of course has Von Willebrand's, which is a blood disorder where your blood doesn't clot. I hope I've said that properly, but, uh, so new epidural, the, like she knew going into birth and epidural, wasn't an option. I mean, not an option. Yeah. So it was from the mental perspective. Yeah. So. It wasn't an option.

Didn't want to risk the bleeding on the spine. Yep. So she didn't, it was going to be all natural. So that's going in and then of course, I mean, I told you, she, she she's got a poker face. I don't care what it is in our relationship. And I told her how I can, I can read things pretty good, but I'm still trying to figure her out sometimes.

But from the pain perspective, uh, on the tome. They started Pitocin. Um, she wanted to get the contractions really rolling, kind of get the process going. So we didn't have to have a C-section. Yeah. And so she, that would also be a problem for our clotting disorder. Yeah. So it's just all natural was the way that she wanted to really go.

And then once the Pitocin kicked in, that's when, uh, you know, I could start to see a little discomfort. And then, so they ended up in D seeing her because her water had broken and her contractions were really weren't. Pick it up. It sounds like basically, I mean, or her contractions did start to pick up a bit, then they just to go a little bit faster because their water was yes.

So once that happened, I think it was, she was like one centimeter dilated and, and she was like, I have to have a natural childbirth. Yeah. And it's like, should they do with the vaginal check? And then while she's up there, the OB kind of like. I could see her give that, Oh God, look on her face. And she was in pain and she kind of, I guess, stretched her out a little bit.

And she said, she said, she's three centimeters now, you know, by midnight we could be looking at it's it's go time. So. Yeah, she all natural. But towards the end, I mean, it was brutal. I could tell. And there there's no. What were you doing to help her? There was no, and that's the thing it's like, there is nothing you can do and there's never been a more time than I felt.

Helpless, uh, you know, you can tell her and talk to her and comfort her as much as she can, but I know that's a mental thing. And just being there for though and letting her know I'm I'm right here, if you need anything. So it was an excuse 22 hours is a mental. That's mental strength. I Sarah's was even longer than that.

Right. Sarah's was like somewhere closer to 30 hours too. And when you get the Sarah, Derek, Sarah, sorry, I forgot. We have two Sarah's here, but Derek, Sarah was about 30 hours. And then, uh, well, dear Sarah was, I was a three, three and a half hours. Get out of here. Well, we'll get to weld, finish to finish up Madeline.

She once we reached a little after midnight, she came back in and of course you were, we went to the hospital a long time before that Sue everybody's exhausted and she's like, it's go time. It's time to push. And the coolest thing. I mean, it's like a movie that OB finally comes in and like, she throws her arms out and they like just put her body armor on.

Right. So they slide on steps in her boot things and then pulls her little shield down and I'm like, wow, this is awesome. She's like, I'm about to get bled on from blood, from blood. She simply would. Oh. And the nursing staff, the bedside manner was unbelievable. Uh, we just still to this day rent. Yeah. So don't talk about let's interject right here.

Do not say the name of your doctor or we're just trying to keep everything, you know, pushing lasted for 45 minutes. Okay. That's pretty fast for a first time. Yeah. And, but it was, it felt like five minutes and once he was here, it was just, yeah. Did you look like some dads stay up at the head? Were you a head dad or were you a vagina dads?

People in the room? Her mom and me, she said her mom, mama could stay North of the equator and I was more than welcome. I wanted to be up in. Up in there as much as I could I to have the full experience. So if they would've let you like catch Baker, would you have caught him? Yeah. Yeah. You went up. If they would have, let me put the mineral oil on and during the process, it would have been game stretched.

Her parents, Neo, whatever. I was not, I was just watching the process and it was fascinating. It's the woman's body is, do you want to do surgeries on YouTube? Are you one of those kind of guys I'll watch the C-section just so I would know in case we would have to go there, you know, and in advance, but luckily 22 hours and she was unbelievable.

I have, I've always respected my wife, but it's. Completely a new found respect. Completely natural with Pitocin. Yeah, man. High five to Madeline. Let's take a drink for Madeline. Yeah. Whoop drinks, everybody. Hey bartender, let me getting a little parched over here. You need another one? Oh, I'm sorry. Hold on.

Hold on everyone. I have to move away from the microphone. And pass a beer. I am the bartender. Anyone else? Okay. Let's do two our on I'm going to keep this in here to our audience. Here you go. Wells, sliding them across the table. I'm on a different speed than you guys tonight. Everybody, what we're drinking?

Let's give a shout out. What is this beer? We're drinking. Lagunitas, I think  or where is this brewery from San Diego. San Diego. Cheers. You're there somewhere. I'll I'll see if they want to sponsor the episode. There you go. I like that. Now we're going to take a short break to just share a few things with you and we'll be right back with our guests.

I am so excited to tell you about my first book that I wrote that is launching this summer. It's a 42 week guide to your pregnancy. It's a collection of birth stories. It has a ton of doula advice from all of the questions that my clients have asked me over the last 14 years. It has hysterical partner tips that you will want to read to your partner.

And it has journaling prompts because nobody has time to write a 20 pages in their journal about their pregnancy. So I've taken the Liberty to give you some prompts of things that I think you might want to remember back on after the baby's born. So again, you can go to birth story.com and preorder a copy today, and it would mean the world to me.

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Okay. Wells, uh, let's hear about this three and a half hour labor from your perspective, because you are new, new year's Eve. Uh, you know, I, uh, woke up, I actually had to go to work for, I don't know, six or seven hours. Um, and I, I woke up, had this weird feeling. I was like, you know, something's not right here today.

So I actually stayed home, uh, that day. Um, come about 10 30, 11 o'clock in the morning. Sarah was like, well, I'm starting to have contractions. And I was like, all right, go time. Let's, let's do this. She starts walking up and down the stairs. She's starting to get real active and she's like, let's get this thing going.

And I, you know, and she comes up to the bedroom about 1130. And I'm like, Sarah, how are you feeling? She's like, I need to go sit down. She goes down and sits in the bathroom for a while. I call Heidi and I'm like, Heidi. I think we're about to have this baby here after a while, Sarah's having some really hard contractions.

She's like, all right, I'm at the mall. I'll come right back by there and see you guys. Um, she comes in there and she's like, can, yeah, it's got to get going to the hospital here in a second Wells. Once these contractions get like less than three minutes go, you're four miles from the hospital. And Sarah obviously waits to like, it's two minutes apart.

Uh, she's still, at this point had not broken her water. Uh, we get all the way to the hospital. We pull in the same time. The hospital is Heidi's pooling in Heidi, grabs a wheelchair and they take Sarah go running past security. Um, I go out and try to find a parking spot, literally. And nowhere didn't know where to go in the hospital.

Well, let's talk about the car ride though. So like, what were you thinking you were like, Oh my God, my wife has been in labor for 10 minutes and we're on our way to the hospital. And like, what, what was Sarah? Like? What was she acting like? She was sitting there. She be like rolled down the window. She was trying to listen to music and just trying to get in this calm, like little spot.

Um, you know, she didn't want to talk whatsoever. And I was like, Sarah, You know, what can I do? She was like, well, all I know is if my water breaks in your brand new, suburban I'm in trouble, and I am not much, she was keeping her water in for you extra fluid. I am not a fan of, I don't like blood. I don't like, I mean, I am.

I kept as far away from, uh, the South of the equator as I could during the, during the pregnancy. I see. So, um, you know, we get into a hospital room, um, you know, hold her hand. I try to stay up there as far up there as I can not look down there. Uh, Sarah's over there.  trying to get ready to have this baby. I mean, I think within 40 minutes of being in the hospital room, we had the baby.

Um, you know, the doctor was like, do you want to cut the umbilical cord? And I was like, hell no. And my wife's over there. And like, I'll cut it. And I'm like, my wife said, that's awesome. So did you cut the umbilical cord gear? Okay. And then, well, do you did not. And then Derek, did you, Sarah wanted to, but she was too tired and they offered it to me and I was like, That's that's your job?

I don't. Oh, that's so funny. Okay. So, well, so start to finish your wave was what, three and a half hour labor until your son was in your arms. And then I'm like, so just tell me, like, what was that when you saw him come out for the first time? Like, wow. My best friend had actually had his baby like three months before head.

And he was, and this woman that, he's one of those guys that just reads everything and just has to know everything about pregnancy. He was like, well, I read everything there was to be all right. But then he came out with a cone head and he was like, I didn't know, babies had Coneheads. So, you know, I was sitting there kind of waiting for trip to come out.

You know, he pops out, pops out and it wasn't that bad. And I was like expecting the, uh, the movie, like, I mean, there's cone had movies come out. Some of them look like that and some of them do, so I was like, you know, I, here we go. I was like, we got all our fingers, got all our toes and we don't have a cone head.

And we're, we're good to go. He's cute. Yeah. Okay. So Derek, talk to me about. Sarah Sarah's law. She had a long labor. So just tell me from your perspective though, like how, how delivery went down a long day. It was just crazy. She. She labored. I mean, um, most of it was because of whatever. I think you, you know, what condition or cyst she had that like to wear.

She had some scar tissue on her cervix, so it was stopping her from progressing. Yeah. That's why like, it was, you know, a lot of. Intense contractions. And like, we're thinking, you know, we, we used your expertise and knowledge to try to time going to the hospital. I mean, she went into labor, uh, at midnight and we're like, okay, well we know that.

It's still going to be a really long time for, we go to the hospital. She gets in the bathtub just like, she's never had a contraction before. So that was like scary for both of us, but we're like, okay, you know, there's going to be a lot more of them. It's a process and a. She did really, really well until, until you could, you came over at like six in the morning and walked around the neighborhood a little bit and were like, uh, I mean, to me that's crazy, like already been six hours of nothing going on, except she's timing them out and she's all meticulous about everything.

And I'm just like, all right here, you know, excited, but also knowing that. You know, we got a long road ahead of us and I don't really know. I'm just here to listen to what she says she needs and what Heidi says we're supposed to do. And, you know, maybe drive the car, the hospital at some point. But, uh, then we ended up, I don't know, I think Sarah and I argued about this on your podcast last time.

About what time? I literally, it was so crazy. I couldn't read, remember if it was, you know, early, like late morning or we didn't go to the hospital until like noon. Or one o'clock I don't really remember, but more in the afternoon. So that's a long damn time to be just sitting around the house, contracting and thinking that you want to time it so that you're not at the hospital early and you're just gonna have the baby when you get there.

And, um, we get there and it seems like she is having a baby in seconds. I mean, to me, just based on the level of. Pain she was in and, um, it was intense and they were like, sorry, you're one centimeter die because she had scar tissue on her cervix. So her cervix wasn't opening. So she ended up having to have an epidural so that they could open up her cervix and, you know, get it going.

But, but yes, I can understand from your perspective, the value. And because from my perspective, I remember saying to his wife, I remember saying. I think we need to go to the hospital because if you were progressing, progressing, things would be coming out of you. Like a little bit of blood, a little bit of fluid, maybe like your water.

Like I could tell she was having major contractions, but I could tell nothing was happening. And I was like, Whoa, we're going to have to go intervene. Which was, you know, what we ended up doing. So when I figured that out, the doctor said, you know, I know you're okay. Wanted in your birth plan to natural childbirth.

And she's a tough person. She's has her mind set on something, but he was like to go in and get this scar tissue out. It's going to be worse than childbirth. He was like, I would really recommend getting an epidural. And she was like, okay, well you're the expert. And I was like, yeah, that sounds like the right move.

And, and then somebody has to witness this massive. Eight foot needle going into her back and they nominated me, which I don't, they don't know that I don't watch. Surgery's on YouTube. Like I don't, I'm the anti medical guy. And, uh, so you watched the needle. I watched it the first time I thought that I had to, I felt obligated and, uh, that was crazy, man.

That's a massive thing to go into a person's body. And, um, you know, the anesthesiologist is just like, yeah. You know, I'm going to go play nine holes after this and just is not careful about it at all, but, uh, well, they were careful. They were just relaxed about it. Everybody's relaxed and no one should be relaxed in that environment.

I mean, well not, I mean, it's good there you're relaxed, right. I guess. But, uh, I just, I didn't, I wasn't the guy to be witnessing that I shouldn't have. So then she had to get another one later. Same night or like in, uh, epidural stopped working. I had to do it again about, out on that one. So let me ask you from a dad's perspective when you're watching, like your wife, like in pain.

Totally. I would say suffering at some point with Sarah is LIBOR, and then she gets this like glorious epidural and she relaxes and she goes to sleep like. Did was that helpful for you? Was the epidural like a good thing for you? It's I have to go on the experts. She was in a lot of pain, but I was like, well, what does everybody else have to say?

Like, is this okay? Is this normal? So I'm paying attention, you know, uh, like Guerin asking a lot of questions and trying to gather information that to me is kind of more reliable than the person that's in it. Yeah. So for her, I'm just like, Trying to be understanding and, you know, you can squeeze the shit out of my hand or do whatever you gotta do, but you know, it's, um, I don't know it was new for both of us.

So it was so when delivery happened, were you in North guy or a South guy? Oh, definitely North guy. And till. And T and actually that's part of it is like, I felt like that was the more important place to be, be where this person is going through excruciating pain and like looking at her and yeah. I's, and that's where she needed me is right there.

Hands, you know, locked in. Um, and there's nothing to see down there. I've seen that. But then when, when, when it was like the, those, those precious seconds, like there's only how many seconds does it take for a human being to come out of a vagina. I mean only a few seconds. And I mean, don't, you want to see that?

If it's here, I couldn't look at, well, I couldn't help it, man. I couldn't help I'm the anti medical guy, but I couldn't help it. Yeah. I was already there and I was like, it's only gonna have it for like four seconds and then it's over. So I, I, you know, apparently I, this does not sound like me at all, but apparently all the nurses and afterwards.

Uh, they were like, man, your husband, he was all about it. He was holding your leg up with one hand. Had your hand squeezing in the other hand and was staring, like waiting for, you know, that, that face Queens in her. Yeah, probably that's probably more accurate. Now. Did anybody here watch the placenta be delivered?

No. Yeah, well this solid man, I want it to

and I wanted to watch, but I saw them pushing, you know, and I didn't doing like a mashed potatoes that we call it, like mashed potatoes where they like push on the uterus to get it. I remember that because it was like the Putin, you know, they knocked the Pitocin up, but then once the once Baker was here, I remember looking over at the machine that, you know, it was pumping the Pitocin and then that sucker had gone up even higher.

And I'm like, why it, why are you still getting potatoes? And they're like, we, you still have to contract. To make this placenta come out and I didn't, I got to see what it looked like afterwards, cause I wanted to, but did she encapsulate it? No. No, but Sarah did well, my Sarah did encapsulate hers. Okay. And she's probably out of pills by now.

Right? Cause it's maybe six weeks old. Sure. I was taken in the last couple. Okay. Is that where they like dehydrate the placenta and then they put it into little capsules and then the moms will ingest. The placenta and it helps to kind of like with milk supply, it helps to restore your iron from your blood loss.

Like there's a million, um, benefits. So this is okay, this is a more modern they put in. I've heard. I mean, yes. I mean, back in it, like mammals, like just eat it, you know, and I'm sure like, Different cultures have different like placenta rituals. And I'm sure there are some cultures that just draw it up, eat it, but like, no, in the United States we dehydrate it and put it in a pretty capsule and you swallow it just like a vitamin.

So you wouldn't really even know. You don't even know if you're taking. You know, to tumeric or achalasia or if you're taking placenta, you know, who knows? Um, okay, so babies are born and you guys come home that first like day, and then I just want you to talk about. For, and when I'm asking this question, it's for new dads that are listening, like Wells, and you're like right in at six weeks, like, what's your advice for those, like first, that first week?

Like, what's your advice for new dads? I would definitely say like that first week a truck, try to help your wife get up as many times as you can to change the diaper when she's trying to feed them during the middle of the night. Because she's absolutely exhausted. I mean, you know, Sarah was definitely exhausted.

Um, you know, I still had to work, so, you know, He would sleep from like 11 to two. I tried to get up at, to change him one time and then she'd get back up at five or seven, depending on what it is. And, um, but what, anytime you can help that way. Um, it's definitely very helpful for your spouse. I mean, I feel like Sarah's kind of getting back.

I mean, she's, she's went start working out today. Yeah. I saw, um, well, his wife the other day and I just, some women just kind of. Make motherhood look really easy. And Sarah is one of those people, but it makes me think, is there something that she needs that she's not asking for? Or does she, is she really just doing okay.

She really is just doing that seriously. She's just like she, she was. Like born to be a mother. And she's just kind of got that kind of feeling about her and you know, every time I'm looking at it, I'm like, Sarah, I need 10 hours of sleep tonight. And she's like, okay, I'm good. And I got to today, um, you know, she's good to go.

Yeah. She's also let's remind everyone that that's not like typical for all moms. She's also the mom that I climbed Mount Kilimanjaro. Okay. Just to be clear on that one. So, alright, Garren, like, what's your like. Big advice for that first week, you know, coming home, hopefully you share a great relationship with your wife or your significant other, uh, as well-spoken more of that teamwork aspect.

I don't think any dads listening to this podcast unless they're wave made them. Right. Which means they probably have a pretty good relationship. My target audience is not going to be like the single dad. Okay. Well, perfect. So. Being able to really incorporate that teamwork of the open line of communication.

You do everything together or it's, you know, it's one off. So that's how we did with Baker's diaper changes during the night. Um, I would get up and do the diaper change and then I would bring him to her. So she could nurse. And then we'd put them back down. And once again, the swaddle thing for me was always, I didn't know if I was doing it too tight or too loose.

So I would always just, I just, I let Madeline do that. I'll say, I don't know if this is too tight or not, and she just give it to me. So I'm pretty, it's pretty consistent across the board that you guys would say to new dads, make sure that you have the Velcro swaddle, the no button things. And all Velcro.

Yeah. Nice. Where, I mean, I know back when you old-fashioned swallow or what they do in the hospital still, I mean, it worked great, but when you have that opportunity of something that simplifies the process, but gives you the same. That gives gives him him or her the same satisfaction. That's it. So Derek those first nights that you know, you're about to do it again.

So what advice do you need to give yourself, do for about to go through it? I hope it's a lot different, well, I know it'll be different this time, cause I'm more confident. And even though I still feel like I have a lot of insecurities about. Being a dad, because to be honest, um, Sarah is middle Eastern and that culture is a lot more, um, you know, Well, I mean, a lot of people in this country would say, it's not progressive, it's she, she feels like her role is a lot of things that I've even seen, like friends and different people that are looking at me.

Like I don't do enough. And, but she doesn't want you to do yeah, exactly, exactly. And that that's a cultural thing, you know? Um, and so. Um, well, there may be a few things she wants you to do. Yeah, well, yeah, it's, it's an, I get what you're saying. I guess what I'm getting at is a, I don't initially in those few weeks, coming home is really hard as brand new.

We didn't know we were doing, she was terrified and, uh, didn't really trust me that much, even though we were in a really good place in our relationship. Um, It just was, I'm going to jump in here. You're too on. I'm giving up control from the mom's purse effective it's sometimes it's really difficult. And I remember my husband early on saying Heidi, there's your way.

And there's my way. And they're both, right. Like, I think it was probably about swaddling. Like I was probably like over sh I probably said swaddle the baby. And then I looked over his shoulder and was like, you're not swaddling B. Right. I just remember him stopping me and saying my way, your way, like, get, you know, you want me to do this?

And so I think that. You know, for moms and dads that are listening. Yes. There, there are multiple right ways. There's grandma's way is rape mama's ways, right. Daddy's ways. Right. You know, and, um, and letting go of things, some of that control so that you can get help or ask for help, I think is really important.

So this is going to lead me into, um, Let's talk about before your baby was born. What, who were you and what did you love doing that you're missing right now? So Garren, I have no problem saying this and I've, I love to work out specifically running that is, I love running and it's just, it's a release.

It's it's it. With my calm. Personal confidence within myself. How does I'm a different person when I'm able to stay in shape and work out. And you know, you think of the year before Baker was born, God ran the Chicago marathon. I ran a half, a new Orleans among a couple other races. And I remember telling a girl, uh, Hillary, if you ever listened to this podcast, you were right.

But I remember running with her and saying, you know, when, when Baker comes, I'm still gonna get out and get my three, four runs in a week. And she says, talk to me when he gets there. And I'm like, whatever, okay. I'm not the one having the baby, but. When he came into the world, it just, I love running that pro that's a great priority.

Yeah. Well that priority, it could, it goes way down on the totem pole, because even still to this day, I mean banker's eight and a half months. Am I running again? Yes. Am I running as much as I used to know? Does it bother me a little bit? Yes. But. Coming home every day when I'd go for a run or first thing in the morning.

But instead I get to see him and play with him and watch his face light up. That's my little monster. And that is that Trump's running. Listen, if I end up weighing 600 pounds, it is well worth it to, to enjoy. Those times and, uh, and, and Madeline, and tells me all the time, go run, just go run. But it's my self guilt where I just don't want to leave aside.

I just want to any minute going back to work, I want to spend every moment I have with him that I can, but we're getting to a point now where, uh, you know, sleeping through the night, uh, dad SU I do. Yeah. I have the opportunity to get up in the morning, get my workout in. And then still experience everything.

So it's more of, you know, your priorities change. And it's also a Tom thing. Like. He's number one. So let's keep it there. And when you're in a good spot with him, like was sleeping for example, and you can get up in the morning and go, and you don't miss a beat. Yeah. Then I can, I can resume that. But it running for me was my, if you could go back to the day he was born that guy that was running three or four miles, would you do anything differently in regards to like, would you have, if you could go back, would you have.

Done more self care through the last nine months. Would you have given yourself permission or do you like where you're at? I like where I'm at. I have absolutely no regrets because I know every single moment that I've had in order to spend with him, with him. Yeah. That's number one. Like I love my job. I love my wife, obviously my wife, uh, our dogs, but.

Man. He, it's a tough question intermittent on that one. So, well, you're six weeks in, I don't know what your life was if it's much different than it was six weeks ago, but I know that you said you have some passions. So tell us about like what you're passionate about, what makes you happy and what if there's anything that you've been missing over the last six weeks?

So I w I would definitely say, you know, that the passions I have are not running, I have a 0.0 sticker on my car. Mmm. My wife runs marathon. She's a big hiker. I, on the other hand, want to travel and play golf. So I've been to Scotland in plate. I've been played all over the U S and different open courses, you know?

I enjoy doing stuff like that. Yeah. Um, you know, how much golf that he played in the last six weeks? So I have a, a guys trip that we go at the end of the March and every year, the only time I ever really play that much is now through then. So she's still been like Sarah still been like, go out and hit a couple of golf balls.

She's like, you gotta bring the trophy home. Don't embarrass our family, you know? So, um, but Sarah is also on maternity leave right now. So when she goes back to work will be the day after I get back from that golf trip. Sick timing. Perfect timing. I would love to check in with you a year from now and see, like, you know, if you are able, but my advice to you and to moms.

Is self care is really important, but there's also a balance, right? So like, do you give up running or do you give up golf? No, but sometimes you have to scale it back a little bit to have some balance, but don't get away from it, like put it on the couch, put that golf trip on the calendar, talk to your partner about it, you know, have that open communication and find that, you know, find that back that first month, you know, we, we definitely did not have that balance.

I mean, it was, you know, Us with trip at all times now it's kind of, kind of getting to a point like, Hey, your girlfriend's still going out to yoga on Tuesday. Why don't you go? I'll keep the baby. So we're starting to get back to our kind of normal lives again and just live that way. So, yeah, it's just now getting to.

Where we can kind of figure out, you know, Hey, we still got a kid, but we still got lives going on too. So, yeah. Yeah. So important. Derek, how about you? What are some of the things that you, um, now Shai is two and a half years old, so you're much further down the dad road. Um, so what were some things that brought you joy and you know, that you were passionate about and then before you had a daughter and then are those things still in your life?

Golf. Yes. I played, uh, this morning because, uh, they're both in Texas right now. So you gotta take those options. That's a really good time to go play golf. Yes. When your child is out of town running to actually both of you guys share, uh, passions of mine. And, uh, you know, I find that if I don't. I mean the golf isn't so much force that's, that's finding the time.

Cause it's an all day or multiple days activity. And so it's, it's about looking at the calendars and the logistics of that is tougher now, but she knows it's important. Thank you. God, she's a therapist that understands self care and encourages me in that way. Um, but yeah, you know, it is, it is tougher now, but the running thing, you know, that doesn't take near as much time and it's a necessity, I guess I have to remind myself constantly that like, I am so much of a worst version of myself if I'm not.

Debt, you know, run in two or three miles a day, just get it in somehow. I mean, and it doesn't have to be that if, but something, man, I mean, some people meditate, do yoga, whatever, where you're just, well, and after six months of age, your child can go in the jogger with you. And so I've seen Derek about he, we live in the same neighborhood and about 50% of the time I see Derek.

Jogging with baby Shaya. Um, and then about 50% of the time on your own. So it's, I I've found that kind of cool, like watching you go through the neighbor and you're getting your self care in. Andrew, you're hanging out with your daughter. I love that now. Cause she loves it too. She usually passes out within like two minutes of leaving the house.

Yeah, I love it. Well, go ahead. We just started that process. So, and we got that little spurt, you know, the F R E. Yearly every year, you get that one week in February, that like makes you reach for summertime. Cause the weather is so perfect. And I got to throw them in the stroller for a couple of runs and you know, that's, that's kind of where, you know, the, that's my bonding time with him that gets Madeline some time.

And that's something that I'll definitely, cause now she's going through becoming a stay at home. Mom. Which is kinda like well said, and it's, that's her passion. That's what she wants to do. And of course I fully support that. And although she's a stay at home, mom, she still needs her time too. So being able to take the baby if she needs more time and more, absolutely more time.

Yeah. Every week. And that's okay. I emphasize that with her too, whatever you want to do, you need to go do that. You have to have that, that personal time. It's great for your relationship, your marriage and your relationship with your child. Yeah. Well, did you decide or have a jogger. So Sarah does have a jogger already collect, just sitting there and she's like, she's, she's like, please let them get a stable head.

So, you know, I figured I was going to tell you, buy it for her if she doesn't already have one. Okay. So we're kind of, we're going to wrap it up here soon, but I really want to kind of frame that same question, but around your marriage and your relationship. And so, and again, Wells you're right. Brand new on this Derek, they're going on baby.

Number two and Garren. You're about eight half, nine months in. So talk to me about that, what you are doing or what you're not doing, like what are you doing? Right? What are you doing wrong with your marriage? Right now, like, how is it different than it was before the babies arrived? And then what are you doing?

Do you guys go on dates? Like, just talk, talk to me about what what's going on in your lives. Just, just had my first date, uh, within the last week, six weeks you went on a date. Yep. That's amazing. Okay. Where'd you go? We went to Maria's Mexican restaurant. So Boulevard. Yeah. Okay. Best Mexican food in Charlotte.

Okay. So Derek, tell me two, two and a half years in. Are you in Sarah still? Are you dating a lot? Are you getting babysitters? Like what, what are you guys doing to keep your marriage? Any friend, any neighbor, anyone we can, uh, that wants to. Watch her for a couple hours and we go, um, you know, try to do it once a month.

We don't really have a schedule, but we, we kind of feel it. We know when we need one. And so I think we're really healthy in that way. And connected the dates are huge. Cause you get the big dose and. Yeah, I did want to say something and I was like, I didn't know if you were going for something else there, Zell dealer.

Well, just, um, you know, when we were talking about, uh, coming home and like, I dunno, what, what young dads are feeling when they're in the thick of a moment of that's new and scary. Like, I don't know. The best thing that I've learned I think in is so applicable to like everything is to just zoom out and realize that it is so brief.

And even though it feels so intense, every experience that we now have, and I think dads and moms are, so they, they get it. They just feel it. They understand that yes. In a way that nobody else can, is just like. What's what's real and intense today is going to be gone and it's going to be a new thing tomorrow.

And so it's just like, hang in there and zoom out. And, and I'm glad that you're saying this Derek, because. There's going to be a lot of people that are listening, that when you, you have a baby or two babies, it takes a real toll on your marriage. At some point, I don't care how happy you are. At some point, having children is going to take a toll on you.

Our marriage, it's going to slow down your sex life. It's going to slow down communication. Somebody is going to resent somebody. So I'm, I just appreciate that.  so Garin. So you tell, tell us about you and Madeline. Like how's your marriage been and what have you guys been doing? To, um, you know, are you dating 100% and kind of like well said in the beginning, that first little period, it's almost like, you both know, obviously he's number one.

Yeah. We've we got to get to that point. And that's one thing that I've learned along the way so far. It's through almost nine months is, um, their phases. If it's a phase of, or steps, you know, that they go through in their life of development, uh, if it's with sleep, if it's with, you know, holding their head up, just whatever it might be.

Um, I want to say, I say this too, shall pass. You enjoy every minute of it. But at the same time, there are certain things test you along the way, kind of like you said there. Um, but our marriage, that's one thing that we always said, and we've stayed true to was dating is important. Our, our marriage, if our marriage isn't successful.

Then you know, that, that your parenting is not going to be exactly. Well, I'm going to do, we've got time for one more question and I'm gonna go with, um, the boobs everyone's wave. It's nursed here as nursing, right. Has anyone here tasted the breast milk? Of course. Oh my gosh. That's incredible. All three of you guys tried it, what?

It tastes like. It's delicious. It's like a, it's like a warm sugar milk kinda sorta. Yeah, not bad. I heard actually you hear a lot of people drink breast milk, right. Design, I guess I was just curious. Yeah, it was. Well, the good sweet, warm milk, I guess. It's not too sure yet. I'm really like, I'm impressed by you guys here.

She had, but now she's almost nine months. Post-baby and I mean, even today it's like, Well, a little grab and they're still in jail. I want to enjoy them. And they're still full of water, full of goods, Sue, but, uh, she just rolls her eyes. It's it's give and take just like anything else, right? Toggle on them, the baby, the baby might be now going to be like, well, I'll just grab them while the baby's eating, you know?

I love you guys. We've been talking for an hour and 25 minutes and we are getting kicked out of the podcast studio. So we have gone over our time. So right now the very last thing is, um, if you had, could tell new dads the one thing to not say to your partner ever, like what got you in trouble and what would you say?

Don't say out loud. Madeline somebody that bounces it should bounce back from pregnancy. I mean, she looks amazing even, I mean, two months afterwards, she looked like she did before. Uh, but I said in a nice way, cause I love it to run, go out and get a warden, you know, go out and get a workout in, go get, get a run, go, go walk.

Well, of course, to a woman that might be a little different that's when he tried to say. And it's like, honey, you look great, but I'm thinking exercise. That's what I said, go, go on and get you some exercise. And I remember getting the death stare. I was like, Oh shit. Yeah, right there. Just to, uh, to choose my words wisely.

You're not allowed to say the truth, like in some ways, because, uh, I mean the emotional difference is what I noticed and I really would say. Try not to say, um, you're being emotional. The pregnancy is making you more emotional. If just ignore the pregnancy part, say what you got to say, but don't attach it to the pregnancy because I mean, even though there's some very clear differences in this person and the way that they interact with you, um, Just try not to make that connection cause they don't want to believe.

And well, since you're new in this, I'm going to give you some advice and everyone else listening don't engage. So when we're going crazy or tired, we haven't slept. And we're seeing things that don't really make sense. Do not engage just, okay. Let's just walk away because like you said, Derek earlier, zoom out.

The moment is going to be gone in five minutes. She's going to be over it. Do not engage everybody. Got it. You guys are awesome. Thanks so much for being on the birth story podcast and I'm for helping out new day. Thanks Adam. Thanks Eddie.

Thank you for listening to birth story. My goal is you will walk away from each episode with a clear picture of how labor and delivery might go, and that you will feel empowered by the end of your pregnancy to speak up plan and prepare for the birth you want. No matter what that looks like.