33 Transgender Birth Story of LGBTQ Comedian Shaine O. Laine

Shaine O. Laine is an up and coming comedian savant in Charlotte, NC. He is kind, funny, intelligent, justice-minded, and just so happens to have two birthdays. This week, Heidi shakes things up by interviewing a man not about his child, but, about his own story of rebirth.

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TRANSCRIPTION

What does a contraction feel like? How do I know if I'm in labor and what does the day of labor look like? Wait, is this normal? Hey, I'm Heidi. My best friends. Call me hides. I'm a certified birth doula host of this podcast and author of birth story and interactive pregnancy guidebook. I have supported hundreds of women through their labor and deliveries, and I believe every one of them and you deserves a microphone and a stage.

So here we are within each week to get answers to these tough questions, birth story, where we talk about pregnancy labor deliveries, where we tell our stories and share our feelings. And of course chat about our favorite baby products and motherhood. And because I'm passionate about birth outcomes, you will hear from some of the top experts in labor and delivery, whether you are pregnant, trying desperately to get pregnant, or you just love it.

Good birth story. I hope you will stick around and be part of this birth story family. Episode 33. Hey everybody. I have a little disclaimer before this episode, because it's a little bit different than some of the birth stories that you've heard today. We're going to dive into the exploration of the birth story of one of my friends, Shane.

Who was born Taylor. And the reason that this episode is being aired on the birth story podcast is that many, if not, all of you are pregnant soon to be pregnant or raising children. And part of our journey into Parenthood that is shifting in today's world is understanding the difference between our children are baby inside of us growing in our womb, their biological sex organs, compared to their gender.

We have hashtag gender reveal. Our society and many societies around the world continue to mistake gender and sex. As one in the same earlier on in my podcast, I have even let it slide. When guests have talked about their gender reveal or finding out the gender of the baby. So today's episode is all about being open.

To knowing that the baby that you're growing inside of you has both a sex and a gender that will develop when they are around four to five years old. I remember being pregnant with max and watching a viral YouTube video about Rhilyn and Raelynn is transgender and transitioned, very young and. I just remember listening to this parent's story and thinking, gosh, I didn't even consider this.

I'm rubbing my belly. We had, did not know if max was going to have the sex organs of a boy or a girl. We were surprised at the birth, but I remember thinking for the first time it was right around the time. Caitlin Jenner was transitioning also. And I remember thinking, okay, I'm going into Parenthood thinking about some things in which I will and the way in which I will love my children in a way that I've never thought I would have to think about many years later, my children are now five and four and we are.

So thankful that we had those conversations and those thoughts early on as one of our family members is transitioning right before our eyes. And so

today's episode is very personal to me. It's very special to me. And I hope that even if you're here, because you were hoping for just a birth story and it's traditional sense that you will stick around and you will listen to how we can transform the way we think about sex and gender. And so before the episode starts, I'm going to read you a children's book that my children have called.

Who are you? The kid's guide to gender identity. And it's by Brook Pesan Webby and illustrated by Naomi barred off. And it begins. This is a story about you. The important thing to remember is that you are the one who knows you best when babies are born people ask, is it a boy or a girl babies can't talk.

So grownups make a guess by looking at their bodies. This is the sex assigned to you at birth male or female. Sometimes people get this confused with gender, but gender is much more than the body you're born with. As babies grow into kids, they start to know what they like and what they don't like. This is your personal expression.

What you like, how you dress and act. There are so many ways to express yourself what you like can change as you grow up or even from day to day. When I'm reading this book to my children, they'll often say I like the draft. I like the, and then the next one will say, I like the paint brushes. And it does change day to day.

The next is a picture of the closet and the clothes. And I offer, ask my boys, which clothes do you like? And some days. They like the cargo pants and the polo. And some days they choose the ballerina Tutu or the fancy dress. So kids know a lot about themselves. They know who they are by how they feel inside.

This is your identity, who you feel like inside, who, you know yourself to be. This can also change as you grow up or change from day to day. Your gender is just one part of your identity. What makes you, you, some people say there are only two genders, but there really are many genders. I am a girl. I am a boy.

I am both. I am neither. I am just me. You are who you say you are because you know, you best. For some people, the grownups guests write about their body and their gender. This is called SIS gender. When someone's identity matches their sex, that they were assigned at birth. And for some people there are more than two choices.

These are just a few words. People use trans gender queer non-binary gender fluid, transgender gender neutral age, gender by gender, third, gender too spirit and their art. Even more words people are using to describe their experience. This is called the gender spectrum. There are lots of ways to be a boy.

There are lots of ways to be a girl. There are lots of ways to be a kid. So be who you are. I just want to say thank you, Brooke Pesan would be for this incredible book, and I hope that you enjoy the birth story of Shane Elaine and episode 33. Hey, everybody. Welcome to the birth story podcast. It's tidy.

And today I have a really fascinating and exciting guest. Shane Shane is actually the very first boy than I am going to be interviewing on the podcast solo. So today you were taking a little bit of a diversion because it's Shane's birthday. So whoop you happy birthday. Thank you. Sing to you later on your birthday.

Excellent. I'm ready. But I wanted to share two kinds of things about Shane's life. So we're going to learn all about Shane and then we're going to hear Shane's birth story from birthing, from a female body into a, his true male self. I really appreciate you having me on and talking about this and being able to like fully sit down and see my own story itself.

Cause you know, I'm, I see it going on in the present, but actually diving in and seeing how all this came about. Like, this is really informative for not only me, but for everyone. So I'm excited about this. It is. Yeah. And so anyone who's listening right now and is like, this is interesting. This is, you know, going a little bit off topic, but I hope that everyone could see how relevant are, because this really truly is a rebirth when adults, like we just heard in the book when adults.

Guess gender based on really the sexual parts that our bodies are born with. The baby's born. And we talk about on this podcast and we're like, it's a boy, or it's a girl, or often on this podcast. I have people say, I found out the gender. Yeah. And I'm really having to change that language on this podcast on my platform to say like, you didn't find out the gender of your baby, you found out the sex of your baby.

You found out that your baby had a penis or a vagina biological side of it. Yes. Which is very different than gender. So today we're just going to tackle this education through storytelling as my platform. And so I want to hear your story shame. I want to hear about all of it, where, how you were born, what your life has been like, you know how this process unfolded.

I want people that are listening to like learn from you by hearing your story and, um, how we found each other is like I showed up at the local comedy club here. In Charlotte, North Carolina, Charlotte comedy zone. And, um, it was a big lineup. Right. And you have, and you got this form and I had to rank everybody and shame gets up on stage and is hysterical and is likely one of the few people I was like, checking off as like, yes.

Awesome. Like bring him back. So guide amazing comedian. You're really good. And I've been following you on Instagram too, but I was sitting there and I was thinking, you know, I'm going to record this story authentically. And one of my family members right now is transitioning. And so I may be raped before I walked into that comedy club.

I was, you know, very much in grief, very much in shock, very much confused. And I like, I sat down and it took a topic. That I thought was like scary and heavy and, and it, and I walked out of that comedy club feeling. Okay. Like, Oh, like, okay, this person in my family is still the same person. Like none of that is changing.

Yeah. When, when you came up to me after the show and like, Yeah, I'm a big believer in everything happens for a reason, the timing that everything like everything involving what happens in your life is the reason that it's happening. And so when you came to me after the show, like, I was really like, Oh my God, like, I don't know, this is my first, a couple of times doing this.

And I'm just really trying to feel things out. And is this really a relevant. Topic that people are wanting to listen to. And then when you came up after and we had our conversations, it was just riveting myself and just, Oh wow. This is something that can reach people who are going through things. Even if it's not someone who's transitioning themselves, but it's someone who's involved with it.

They're family members, they're there people in their lives and having that connection. So that was like a really good for me. And just in general, well, talk about that with you was just invigorating. Yeah. Well, I'll tell you this last year of my life has been one of those things. You know, people say, when you're thinking about buying a certain car, like a Honda accord, then you go out and all you see on the road are like Honda accord, you know?

And so that's what this year has been like for me. Like if I look back on like the previous years of my life, maybe I would have known about. Someone who is transitioning or someone who is transgender besides Caitlyn Jenner. But, you know, maybe not, but now I feel like that my eyes have been open and I allowed my heart to be open all of the ways in which we are human and we are great people.

Now, I feel like everywhere I go, I'm running into a friend who has a child who's transitioning, or a friend whose spouse is transitioning, or a friend who says. You know, I, I feel more non-binary, you know, some days I feel really feminine and some names, I feel pretty masculine and, and, and the native American culture, as I've been reading about like two spirits.

We're here to listen to your story today, but I am hoping that when people finish listening to this podcast, it's like they're driving down the road and they see all those on Doug questions like that. Their eyes are a little bit more open and just a little bit more like generous, you know, um, with their love at the end of today, like at the end, we're all humans.

We're just trying to live our own lives. And just being able to be a part of someone's journey like that, while also doing our own journey, it's just. Fabulous really. And just being connected that way is really awesome. Yeah. So happy birthday. Thank you. And hear your whole story. Okay. So where are you from?

So originally I was born in Charlotte and I lived in the Steele Creek area before it started popping up. I think it's an outlet mall now that was not even a topic of discussion. It's still country. Yeah. This was still like rural country type thing. And so that start to, I'm an interrupt. How old are you?

I'm 25 today. 25. Yeah. Yeah. Much younger than that. That's what, that's what people tell me. Yeah. And sometimes because comedy acting all of that, I say that I'm 33 and it like, it's a straight, dead pan face. And they're like, there's no way. What's your birth year. And I did the math just to play along with it.

I was like, yep. 1986 this day. And they're like, Whoa, that's insane. But you know, I'm actually 25. I was pretty good. Yeah. So you were born more in like 1994. Exactly. Yes. All right. I only know that because no, I only know that because my little sister is also gotcha. Gotcha. Anyway, so you were born here in Charlotte and then.

So I was born in Charlotte and then I also was born with a couple of birth defects. I was, um, I was born, I was it, I think it was a dislocated hip. I just can't remember completely, but okay. I came out kind of crooked and just, they were like, what's wrong with this baby dysplasia? That's what, it was like something with a D and all that.

So yeah. They did a couple of surgeries on me. And for the first three years of my life, I had a brace on. And after coming to the doctor, they're like, Oh, this person's not really gonna walk too well. Or that definitely no sports. Well, I played all sports in middle school and high school and even in some college, so that was just out the window, but that was like a very interesting part of my life.

I only remember the later times with the brace and I've seen pictures of me, like sitting kind of legs wide open with the brace on. And it's just interesting kind of seeing it that way and not really remembering what happened. Yeah. So, and then I stayed here in Charlotte until fifth grade. Then we moved to South Carolina, Fort mill, South Carolina.

So in the area, but not, not really too far. And, uh, I went through middle school and high school there and then finally went off college in Florida, stayed there till last year and now I'm back. Okay. So where did you go to college? In Florida? University of Tampa. It's a private school. Cool. In downtown Tampa, like right on the water.

Beautiful. So it was a really cool conference now what'd you study? I changed my major about four or five times, mainly because I, when I was in high school, I had a dream of being like, uh, some sort of art is I thought it was a graphic designer. And then when I went to school, I was like, Hm, home and production is really where I want to go.

But I kind of let other people's opinions kind of sway me away. Okay. Basically what I heard was you're never gonna make it in the film industry. You're not going to create great films. Why try? So I switched my major and I, um, kept switching and switching till I figured something out. And I was like, well, if I want a job after college, I'll just get communications.

It's broad enough. I can do anything. And I got a minor in government. There was just a lot of those are on each other, but also connected in a way. Yeah. And then, like I had intentions of, you know, doing more like clerical or like government work and I was in government for like a year or so after college.

And then like elections came, people, move, people left. And so I kind of got out and now I'm back on like my creative side, like, okay. I saw that spot. It's really interesting. It's just not who I am. So I started getting into more like artistry watching SNL, and then I was like, Oh, stand up is something that's like, can encompass anything.

And so that's kind of where I just started my path. And now here we are in this podcasting room. So yes, it was at your primary job right now is stand up comedy. That's what we're working on right now. By day. I am a humble barista at Starbucks Starbucks, the Honda accord. That's my stuff. Starbucks is my Honda accord.

Which store are you at? I met you and CC store. So like right across from the university. I know exactly the drive through one. I know that's where I work. By day, I do that. And then at night I do whatever I can, whether it's stand up or producing my videos or getting anything that's creative work done. So this is another one of those Honda Accords now, everywhere I go, like I was at the I'm a doula.

So I'm at the hospital. And on like the back of that, um, wheelchairs. No why? But they say, I'll say trans on Lake transportation, I guess. Oh, okay. I'll say just trans, but for you, I'm like it's everywhere. You know, transition transgender concept is everywhere, but I was wondering as someone who has transitioned or is in the process of transitioning, we'll get there from female to male.

How do you feel about the word transition? I use it in my set. I use it almost every day. I just used it and I said, didn't even something that wasn't related to being trans. It's very across the board and very universal, like this is a switch of some sort like you were coming to realize that this is the new way to do something.

So it's the full transition. Um, use that word interchangeably almost every day. And I do in the set or I'm like, okay, let me transition and big laugh. Of course. Yeah. It's a word that everyone will understand no matter what's happening. And it's just like some sort of easier concept in a way to really grasp what's happening.

You can feel free to use the wheelchair with your hands on it and set have to work that into my stuff. All of the hospitals. Okay. Well, let's go back to childhood. Okay. You're born, you've got this hip dysplasia, like you're working through that. So right away, people have told you, like you can't, you can't, but you overcame and you did, and you did a new debt.

And from my research now, this is where we could have like a whole nother discussion, but from, from my research, Gender identity tends to emerge around the age of five to six years old. And there's a, there's a whole bunch of other science that we could go down, but like, um, we're not going to go down that today in this podcast.

Cause it's a birth story podcast, but for anyone listening, there is a lot of research out there. That's undeniable that our gender is very different from our biological sex. This is a science, this is black and white. This is science. It's really not contested in any way, shape or form, and that our, our gender identity, the way that we feel on the inside, the way our brain, sometimes it matches our body.

Sometimes it doesn't mention that that kind of starts to unfold around the age of like five or six. Now many people ignore those thoughts because of their family, their religion society, you name it. They may have a thought. They never verbally, they don't bring it up. They, you know, dress in the package.

They were told to dress in and move on with their life. They're afraid of the. Things that they're feeling. And then masters, when you hear stories very similar to them, then probably the most famous transitioning story that we know is. Caitlin Jenner, at least here in the United States that are much older individuals that have already gotten married and had families and children.

And then for the first time are saying, you know, no, it's, this is who I am. And it's about time that it came out. That I am this way. Yeah. And I know what five or six, you don't, we don't have tons of memories. Right. But it was one to kind of dive in with you and talk about your childhood. Like you were born in a female body.

What was your name? My name was Taylor. So still pretty gender neutral. But one of the reasons that I decided to change the name is that when people address me as such, I was addressed with feminine attributes address as she, he or she, right. It wouldn't feel the same. Probably in middle school. I think it was, I did try to change my name, but my mom's, my mom was just like, what, what are you doing?

I am not the mother of that firsthand. And, but it was more like a joking, not a serious, how dare you try to change your name? It was like, I don't want a nickname. I don't want to feel important, but I didn't know what it really meant. Like, I didn't know. That was one of the starting processes. So around that five to six year old time, Little Taylor.

I'm sure you're like in a dress or, you know, I don't know you had some dresses actually around, I think it was six. I went to a private Christian school, so uniforms and it was just pleated skirt and all of that. I, I actually remember, like, this is probably one of the first vivid memories about now that I'm looking back and accepting who I am and all of this, I can really go back through my life and see, wow.

I should have. Picked up at that moment, but I remember crying in the bathroom. I was just playing with some kids on the playground and I was like, Hey, let me play with you. Felt like you can't, you're a girl and all of this. Like, we don't want to play with girls. I was like, I'm not a girl. And then they went into the full thing, like almost, not really physical fight, but it was just a lot of words back and forth.

So I remember going to the bathroom crying a lot and I like really remember. Just wishing that I was born a boy, or even if I could be a boy for a day, I wouldn't be satisfied, which is a day, but at the time I'm six years old and I'm just like, Hey, just make me a boy for right now. And that was like the turning point.

Really? Yeah. And you can remember that like vividly at that young of an age. So did you talk to anyone at this private Christian school or did you address any of these things? Like when your parents called you Taylor and said she like, at that young age, do you ever remember saying to your parents, like, I feel more like a boy.

I didn't really like address it that way, but. While I was not at school, they would let me dress any way I want. It was more so, you know, masculine dress and everything. They thought it was just like tomboy, ESC. And they're like, okay, it's time to go to school. You got to get in the skirt. And I was like, I don't want to get them skirt.

And it just kept going that way. But the only people that I would talk to about, you know, the times that I wish I was a boy would be like either my cousin who is the same age as me or some people at the school itself, like kids. And I was just like, like my friends that I could talk with and be open with, they were like, Hey, what's going on?

I'm like, well, this and my cousin. We're what seven or eight at this time of the story. And, you know, during Christmas you get certain things, you got to get socks like box because there's, and all of that, he didn't want clothes. He wanted toys. And I was like, I don't want those boxers. So here we kind of like traded toys out of, I gave him toys and he gave me boxers and I was like, wow, this is so great.

And then like, I would wear that. Under my skirt. And people would think like, you know, they're, they're just shorts for girls or what not so that, you know, you're not really exposing after you sit or something, but I was like, no, I don't know what they are. They're boxes when they feel great. And did that help, like back in the day when you were six or seven, you wouldn't have had the term dysphoria, like body dysphoria, right.

Which is the term, which is like the medical term, I guess, that we use for this. When we look in the mirror and we feel. You know, the wet, what we see is not how we feel on the inside, what we see on the outside. There's also another really good book right now. I would like to interject on this concept and it's called red crayon.

Oh, it's so good. So if you have children and you want to introduce. The concept of feeling different on the inside than you look on the outside. It's a children's book that is about a, now I'm going to get it wrong on whether it was a red or a bullet pose was a red crayon. Sorry. It was really a blue cran felt, felt blue, but had a red package.

And throughout the book, everyone's trying to make it more red and brings it a red scars and red shoes and tries to fix it and put the bandaid on it. It's a really great book, but helps kind of explain to children too, you know, that, that no matter how hard you try, the cran is blue, you know? And so when you switched out these boxer shorts, you know, for your toys and then warm under your skirt, I'm assuming that that helped remind you, you know, throughout the day that you really were like honoring to yourself, like I'm a boy, these boxer shorts helped me feel like a boy.

Exactly. Yeah. That's exactly right. I kind of felt along that. And then going along with like the red ground, them giving red scarves and shoes and trying to make them feel more red, that would happen. Like if I had, was given, you know, feminine clothes or anything like that, I'd be so excited. And then. Look at it like, Oh, it's more feminine style, but the times that I would get like, you know, either unisex or masculine shirts, I'm like, yeah, that's fine.

I'm totally cool with that. But just the whole, yeah, like trying to, okay. You're getting a little, let's get out of your tomboy phase, quote unquote, and then. Let's try to get you more feminine. And that's just, I think that's really where it started getting, like me being reclusive, me, not really talking to anyone.

And I'm less, I'm just trying to go go about my day without interrupting anyone. Else's in a way. Yeah. Okay. And now I'm going to go out on like, allege that I'm not really sure what the answer is to you, but around this age we haven't gone through puberty yet. So it's not at all. I'm assuming about.

Sexuality, right? Like I'm, I'm, I'm wondering. Cause I'm making an assumption. So I'm going to ask. Before you hit puberty and you're in this gender identity development. Are you thinking about the fact that you have a vagina and that like D do you know what a penis is or is it just about internal feelings?

Yeah, it was more so about internal feelings. Cause like, again, sex education in the South, especially back then. Then in the early two thousands, it wasn't the great, the greatest. And so it was mainly so just me kind of feeling myself and feeling how I view on the inside and just going along with that.

And then once, you know, sex education gets started, brought in that's again, when it started being just like, okay, now, now I have to worry about, I don't have this. This part, but like, I have this, so I'm am I this? Or am I that? And it's just, it was just a whirlwind really of everything. But I do remember like in middle school, what, right before puberty started hitting and all these, you know, girls changing in the locker room with.

Like bras and everything. I was like, I don't really care about this. I just, you know, I don't, I don't want that ever. And at this point I was still pretty flat chested. So I'm like, this is fine. I'm not going to grow anything. And then the next year it's like, it just came out. I was like, Oh, well this is not what I wanted at all.

Yes, the opposite. So by the time you knew. Like girls had vaginas boys had penises, biologically, and then you go through the emotional development of your gender identity and then puberty hits. So in my own family member, the way that this was described to me was that they, as their. And this is a male family member.

So as there they are, penis was getting bigger. They were wishing that like, or just having thoughts like that, they kind of wished that their breasts were growing. So it sounds like you were kind of experiencing that, like that your breasts started to grow and you were like, no. Yeah, it's very similar, especially.

And I thought about it one day, like with my friend who is. A male to a female transition, a transgender woman, and she was talking like, I feel so Dysport because the penis, it literally just is instead an extension of you. Like, it is almost like, you know, just an extra body part itself. And that's harder to forget about, whereas, you know, with me and my vagina and everything, I'm like, I just sit, I just do whatever.

It's almost like nothing it's down there and that's, it's like a Ken doll almost. And you know, it's, it's so like, to me, it's not. As always on my mind, but with her, she's like, I could think about it constantly. Like what if it shows up or like, what if I feel uncomfortable because of it? She was like, yeah, that's a, that's something that in my transition and experience, but you, you experienced this every day.

That's a really good point because. You know, even with my toddlers, we have a lot of conversations about like prep parts and like what they are. Yes. And when you're trying to raise your children with like knowledge of like gender diversity, you know, we have let them know that nipples and. Breasts, you know, or that area and your butt and your penis and vagina and all of that are private parts.

Now my toddler boy is getting a little confused then, like if we don't wear a shirt, let's say at the pool, and then they're like, but my nipples, don't say my boobs are showing. And I'm like, well, you know, not really because your body is a boy, you know, physically, whether you're biologically born male or female, everyone has nipples.

Yes. Right. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of men have breast tissue also. So that does make sense to me that the dysphoria around like a penis could be greater than just like D like the lack of breasts or the development of breasts, you know, the way they look besides how big they are, is still kind of similar worked with.

But w you know, with the penis itself, that's a little more difficult to manage or kind of. Except that you have it, but you are feeling this way. And so again, that plays into people's thought of bottom surgery and like, what would I do that way? And just, it just, it just goes on from there. Now we're going to take a short break to just share a few things with you.

Thanks for listening to the birth story podcast. I am so excited to announce the launch of my book. Birth story, a 42 week guide for your pregnancy, a collection of these birth stories, a ton of doula advice and journaling prompts. You can order a copy today@birthstory.com. It also will mean the world to me, if you'll spread the word about this podcast, so on Stitcher or on iTunes, just leave a review.

Thanks. So before we get into like pretty, like, I want to go to the next level of getting a little bit deep end, but I want to just push, pause and talk about why this conversation is so important that we're having. The Zuora. I'm probably going to tear up the suicide rate with transgender persons is really high, and we have shown that if you allow yourself to transition and express and say out loud, And change and transition the suicide rate.

It was way down and I'm, I'll update it, it in the show notes because I'm sure it changes from year to year, but the data and the research that I have shown is that as many as 75% of transgender persons try or attempt suicide in their life, but that that rate gets cut in half. Once the transition occurs.

So someone chain like you is born Taylor and a girl's body. If there was any suicidal thoughts they could have. Uh, significantly decreased just by allowing yourself to be the person that you were born to be, but we're kind of trapped inside, you know, the wrong body. So I'm going to ask you, like, as you, and only to the extent that you're comfortable answering, but as you went through puberty and this became more and more apparent to you that your brain and your body.

We're not matching. And you are having those thoughts. And you just said that you kind of went inside yourself and you shut down where you suicidal. Uh, yes, I was, there were multiple times where I attempted my own life or went about ways to, you know, kind of alter my body in unhealthy ways. So about the time where I accepted really, it was kind of understanding I'm not.

The way that girls are in my school or whatnot, I went into a, you know, kind of. Eating disorder, try to be, you know, thinner, like, cause I'm a pretty broad person in general. Like I have broad shoulders. I have, you know, kind of a wider hips. So I was just like, okay, the only way I can be like that be accepted and have people really liked me is to go through this.

And so I wouldn't eat for like three, four days. And then finally, when I did, it would be like a cheese steak or a banana and then continue on. So that's, that's really like what was happening during the high school years and then college, because on my own now I really don't. I never fully accepted to myself before I went to college.

And. Neither did I really talk to my family about this? So I was legitimately on my own at this point. Yes. Let me go back. So in high school, the whole high school, you were Taylor. Yes. You were a female and you were trying to be more female. Yes. So there were times where I'm like, okay, I. Like I, I was raised in a kind of religious family, not super religious, but still God and the Bible and everything.

The Christian belief system was prevalent in our family. It's the classic story of like, Oh, the Bible says this, the Bible says you can't do this and all that. And I wasn't open with my family because, you know, I didn't want to go down that route because then what, like. The horror stories of families kicking their kids out, or like, you know, just not accepting who they are.

So I tried so hard to fit in and that's, you know, when I started getting my eating disorder and just really my depressant state and just not knowing exactly what was happening, kind of fighting two different. Thought process, like the real me coming through, but like the society me in a way, trying to be accepted and be liked.

And they were at constant war with each other. So where were your parents and all this, did they notice you had an eating disorder or that you were depressed? Like where you, as you said, you went inward, but you also said that you had attempted your life and had done some acts on your body. Like where were they?

Did they know? Where's it hidden from them? Or were they part of this journey in high school with you? It was pretty hidden until the very end where like, cause I had this order like this, I had not yet for a good constant, maybe eight months, so almost a year and just the dramatic drop in weight. They were like, Hey, like I know you're doing sports, but like, this is a bit.

This is a bit too dramatic, so what's actually happening. And I'm just like, I don't know. I guess high metabolism, I didn't really bring them in on that side until it just kind of all broke at once. And I started crying in my bathroom. My mom, it's just like, I don't know what's happening, but I'm here for you.

And so I never fully opened up to her about that until I was away at college. I had written something for. An online article for the school and she had read it and she that's when she was really like, I had no idea, like I was there for you and I knew something was up, but I didn't know the extent. So what was the article about?

It was, um, the 13 reasons why show that came out. It's about, don't know about it. I'm gonna have to back me. So there's a show on Netflix about suicide, basically. Okay. And it's a very dramatic piece and it's been a lot of controversy just because of how deep they go into it. But basically the person at the beginning of the show who committed suicide gives 13 reasons why she did it.

So Michael counter article, it was kind of like, um, Still a mental health piece and just getting the, um, people to notice, you know, mental health is still something that we need to talk about. My thing was 13 reasons why I did not. And so, like, I just went back through, like I did do this, but I did not do that.

And so like, these are the re like these are the people that were in my life that kind of really helped me out. And these sort of things in my life that said, Hey, it's not time to do this. Awesome. Do you have a copy of your article? I do, I can find it and I will send it to you. If you're open, I would love to publish it, put it on the show notes.

I mean, that sounds really powerful 13 reasons why you did not commit suicide. So I wanted to bring it up because I just don't really feel like people understand that, like, this is where I like velvet eyes out. Like life is fragile and life is important. And that that up to 75% of people well taking their life, because I believe that God makes you perfectly and in his or her image, Like this, God did this, some purpose and then it's society and culture.

That's got it all wrong. That like very much, we are two spirits, all of us, like, I mean, people joke all the time. Like I've got so much masculine energy. Like I I'm I'm, you know, I'm, cis-gender meaning, like, I feel like my brain and my body match that's a term. People probably haven't heard of that are listening, but like, I'm cisgender, but like, I have a lot of, like, I just have a lot of masculine energy, you know, and I have other friends that have, that are male that is so much.

Feminine energy and like, it's, we can be both. And it's, we just need to shed light on the fact that like, I would like to get rid of like hashtag gender reveal off of Instagram. I mean, really, if anyone's listening, like please don't have a gender reveal party. It's a sex reveal. Like it's, we're making a guest, just like the story we read at the beginning.

We're making a guests about, um, our, our children, even the person who created the whole gender reveal thing, her. I think it was her child or first or something came out as nonbinary and this, this kid's like 10 or so. And at that point she was like, please stop doing this. Now I'm more, you know, aware of what actually happens and everything that goes on in some person's life.

Like, even though I thought it was this way. Yeah. And it's also a learning process. So like I'm on episode, whatever. I have a transgender family member. I have still caught myself on the podcast, find out the gender. Like I'm like I'm preaching and I'm changing. They don't all at the same time. Yeah. And I do have friends now that we were just talking about non-binary right.

This is another new concept. Like kind of saying, well, I don't need to call myself a boy or a girl. I just feel like me. Sometimes it's more feminine. Sometimes it's more masculine and those friends of mine prefer to be identified as like they or them, you know? And so. So much to learn as we do this, but I really wanted to focus in on the fact that this is not okay.

It is not okay that there is that high of a suicide rate with our friends and with our family members and with so many people out there that are having thoughts and feelings. And are not sharing them. Maybe they're not sharing them at five or six. Maybe they're not sharing them at puberty. Maybe they're not sharing them until college.

Maybe they're not sharing them until after their kids are grown, then they're already married and they've lived an entire lifetime battling those suicidal thoughts, you know, because thinking somethings. Okay. Well, I don't know. I don't want to put words in your mouth, but when you look back at the suicidal thoughts, like, what do you think was like the basis for, for that?

It was definitely the aspect that I was not fully being myself. Like I knew. Even like with the eating disorder, I was like, this isn't me, but I'm I need to do something. And so that was my thought to do that with the suicide thoughts, I was just like, well, if I can't change anything, because at the time, like I didn't, I had no idea about transgender people.

I had no idea about that. This was even an option. And I just thought like, I could not continue this way. For forever, forever, how long I have. And so that's just not being able to really be like, this is who I am, was something that brought me down and I went to college and like kind of got into a local, like LGBT group.

And it was very informative. Like they said, this is, this is what we can get. Like. These are just options that you had. And it was about, um, my junior year of college, I actually have a tattoo on my ribs. It's in my own handwriting and it says you are not done. And that was like something that I got for myself.

No, I was just like, okay, this is, this is minder for me that no matter what. I can continue doing something to better myself and better like present myself as who I am. Yeah. There's always help. And so many people, I feel like what you just said, like, I didn't even know this was a term that was the case for my family member.

Like they didn't even know they didn't have a word until they showed. They landed in the counselor's office. And they said, this sounds like gender dysphoria. This sounds like you're transgender. And then they went to read about that. And I don't want to time, but basically accepted with relief. Oh, this is exactly like what I've been feeling.

Yeah. Like this is it like someone. Someone knows there's other people out there, you know, like me. So we're about to kind of get into that, your birth story of like birding, you know, about burning shame through this entire process. And I very carefully. Not asked you about your sexuality, because gender and sexuality are two totally different things.

And I just, if there's anything that anyone takes away from this it's that, you know, it's that yeah. That your, your own. Whoever's listening. Your own gender is different from your sexuality, your child's gender is different from their sexual, your partner's gender is separate from their sexuality. And so I haven't asked you about your sexuality because honestly it has nothing to do with your gender.

So now I'm going to ask you, because I'm curious and we've gotten that out of the way. So cause you said you showed up at an LGBTQ plus the community, the community on your college campus. Yeah. This is where, you know, I just, I'm curious, it's not really part of your gender story, you know, but it's still a birthday.

Do you like, it's still a birthing process because, you know, just trying to figure out exactly like come to terms with how I feel about certain like people I had gone. So when I showed up to school, I had a boyfriend, very feminine features and like, Just go. Okay. Once I got into this, you know, kind of meeting people at the school, going into the LGBT community itself, the group, like I started kinda just figuring things out.

And at that point I thought it was like, you can only be one, like. Pick a letter, your favorite, whichever one you want. And so I had first come out as lesbian at the time because Taylor still identified as a woman and, um, was attracted to women. Yes. Okay. And so I went through that for probably two, two ish, years in college.

And then towards the end, I was like, wait, I still, I still really like guys as well. So like, is this, is this more like a bisexual thing? And then that kind of. Took me into my own thought process. I'm like, wait, I can't, I don't really want to identify as bisexual while still being woman identified. So that made me really kind of that's really started the whole process of let me accept.

Who I am myself. And then I can say who others are. So now I identify as a pansexual transgender man, which is like, totally give the whole definition. Yes. So given the whole definition, pansexuality it's. I don't really mind, whatever is like going on below, around whatever you are about. If I really connect with you, like, it will not matter.

Like I, I appreciate the males parts. I appreciate the females parts. And I also appreciate those are non-binary that really don't want to identify with one or the other. And that's, that's totally fine as well. So just pansexuality as a whole is just really. It's an umbrella term or to lower layer of bisexuality or bisexual.

You're just like one or the other, or like just two genders that you are very intrigued with, but pansexuality you're like, yeah, everyone. Let's just go. So see to me, the way that I hear that is that you invest time and emotion and connection into a person or their soul. Exactly. Really the, the outer package, which means very little to you.

That to me is more how I would define ban sexual when I'm hearing you. Yeah, for sure. And it's like, what was the second part of that? Transgender pansexual, transgender man. Got it. And that's just saying like, I'm transgender man. So I'm female to male in my process. Okay. Yeah. So we're in college. I'm like we're in college and like I'm in Dubai with you.

I'm like, yeah. So we're in college. You're in college and. You rate this really powerful paper, the statement, and you share it with your mom. And like, I want to, I want to walk through that parental dynamic and you're on your own. You've got this support system with this LGBTQ. I grew, um, at your university and then enter your mom into this picture.

Yeah. I went through the group and everything. I actually, they had elections for the board of. People who could, you know, plan events and whatnot. I actually won a seat on the board and that's how. My mom kind of found out, cause at this time, like I didn't have, I hadn't come out to her at all, like about with anything.

And so like she saw on Facebook, all right. Now, introducing your new board member. Here's Taylor. And she was, I was like, what is this LGB? The thing that's going on? And so I actually came out to her like, Over the phone and had that conversation with her that way. And so, and when you say you came out to her, you came out to her as, as lesbian came out first.

So the sexuality piece, um, you know, proceeded the first gender for sexuality moment. And that's when I was just like, Hey mom, your daughter likes women. And she was like, okay, like, you know, I'm down with this. Like, it was, it was kind of Rocky at first, but she's like, no, that's just who you are. And then like, keep going through what, to the, the piece that I had written.

That came in a way, came out to her about my depression. And she's like, Hey, again, I wasn't really aware of this happening, but I'm here for you. And just know like, I love you and everything like that. So that was, you know, that, that kind of coming out in a way with my depression and then fast forward to now.

Cause I actually only recently came out as transgender, not only to myself, but to people. And that was in December of last year. What was your birthday? Do you remember? It was like right before new year's right? Probably like December 30th, something that would have to go with it. I was like, you mean like Shane's birthday.

Okay. December 30th. Exactly. So we'll go with that. I'll be, what is that Capricorn? I'll do that. This is a new birth. Yeah. Like we're recording this on September 11th, your birthday. Yep. So I don't know when it comes out, but this is the day that we're recording it. So you're really only nine months into your birth.

You're a baby. I'm a child baby, but yeah. I actually fully like told people that I was trying to gender on stage at the comedy zone. That was first. That was the first time that I came out and I did a set. And that was it shaking and quivering? Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Like as soon as I say. Like came out on stage and said like, I am transgender.

Like it, there was someone that actually like gasp at first, I guess. Cause they could sense my nervousness and whatnot. But as soon as that happened, I was just like, wait, yeah, that's his. And then they're like, is he making a joke? Is he re you know, like, I can see that that's also something like I had the comedy club that could be confusing, you know, exactly like this very serious topic, but I'm like, I'm supposed to laugh.

So, yeah, that was like just invigorating itself. Because once I did that, it was like, now these people will see who I truly am and I can really connect with them on these joke topics that I want to talk about. Okay. But that would've made you 24 years old and in college, or like, so I want to talk about this gap now.

So like now you're identifying as a lesbian, you're still Taylor Marin college. And then the gear, there are these four years that are leading up to like the birth. Okay. In those four years, what were you doing to help your dysphoria? Oh, my goodness. I don't even know if I was doing something to like the boxer shorts.

minor things that I could, like, I still dress pretty masculine presenting, and I just was the way that I was, but I was your hair short or long? It's been short since I think 2013. Like that, like was the first thing that I did once I got to college, I was like, Nope, bye. It's fine. Okay. The major dysphoria that I was having was with my breasts.

And so I would like, look at these shirts, love them, absolutely love them in the store. Go try them on in the dressing room. And they wouldn't look exactly how wow. I had imagined them to look on me. Okay. And so that made me more, like I can't buy the shirt that I like, because I won't feel comfortable. And if you don't feel comfortable, you're never going to wear it.

So I don't want to like, spend all this money. I really, because you had curves. Yeah, exactly. And you weren't interested in having okay. And I like, I still have them, even now I haven't started tea or anything, but I know what, you know, kind of binding is itself, which really just straps down the breast and makes it more flat chested.

So it still isn't as. Perfect as I would want it to be, but it really leaves the alleviate alleviates it now. Okay. But going back, I didn't really, again, I didn't really know, like so many of my friends were coming out as transgender. I was like, that's great for them. And I was like, wow, look at them. Go. It wasn't until maybe two, three years.

Like I said, after that, I was like, wow, this can be something that I can do. And like, this is an option for me. This feels like it matches. Right. And the thoughts that you have been having all along on this journey, but it still took until you were 24 years old to kind of put all those puzzle pieces together.

Yeah. Did you ever go to a counselor? I did. I had gone for mainly my depression side and let me talk about it this way. And then they knew me as Taylor lesbian. And so I would talk about that, but we never really got into this, you know, gender identity side of it. I venture because you were not seeing a counselor who specialized in gender identity, cause someone who specializes in gender identity might have been able to pick up on that a little bit.

Yeah. Sooner. Yeah, I guess for sure, for sure. So I went to, it was mainly like, you know, it was free through the school. It was the school's counselors and they're like PhD and therapist and everything. So it was mainly for my depression side. Now I'm seeing a gender therapist and you know where we're going into these in depth conversations about, yeah, this is, this is absolutely who I am.

And this is what. I can be. Yeah. I think this is really important that you just said that though, too, because people might be surprised that there are therapists that specialize in gender identity. So in Charlotte right now, we have some really great ones. Do you want to say who your therapist is? Do you want to keep that private?

That one right there. There are, there are many. Great gender therapists in the Charlotte area. Like you were saying, there's a lot of good trans groups as well, like transcend Charlotte also not only shows you and points you in the direction of therapists in the area, but they also have a trans closet, which is like people donate clothes.

They have clothes for everyone, whatever you want, you trying to just go in and be like, Hey, this is really nice. I can present this way without actually having to worry about. The cost. Exactly. And so I'm imagining there's a way for people to donate clothes to the trans closet also. And again, we're local to Charlotte, North Carolina, but what am I going to do in the show notes?

And on the website is I'm going to take this episode and then we're going to link to resources so that if anyone's listening and they think like their child or themselves, or their spouse, like so that they have an opportunity to find some, to find some resources out there too. All right, Jane. So one of the things that you just like hoops flashed right over with, like you just said T and so anyone who's listening is probably the lady.

Like, I didn't understand that letter. Yeah. So T stands for testosterone. Okay. Yes. So, so in, in my transition as a transgender man, in order to, you know, kind of. Go with medically transitioning. Like even I'm coming here out and I'm doing all this and I am in the process of transitioning, but this medical side is where with testosterone.

I inject my body with it and it starts giving me more masculine features. It kind of like. It's my body on testosterone itself. So even though I'm so used to it, my body with the estrogen, now there's other elements coming into place and it's almost like I'm going through a second puberty. Okay. Let's let's I have a million questions about it.

I bet. Where do you get testosterone? You can get it at planned Parenthood. Many people get it through their own primary care. Uh, physicians, but they have to be certified for HRT, which is hormone replacement therapy. It used to be harder to where, like you had to have a therapist sign off and then your doctor had to sign off.

And then they both had to come together and be like, this is what this person is needs. And then you go get the prescription. Now it's pretty, you know, with a lot of. Advancement in society and you know, just medical stuff itself, you can go to your doctor and just be like, Hey, I'm interested in like hormone replacement therapy.

Okay. Let's look and, you know, blood work, see what you can do, like what one will really go with your body more and get you. So, and then you said it's an injection, like with a needle? Yes. I would have to shout out to all the diabetics. I was actually about to compare similar each week. I would just have to, you know, pick a spot and usually it legs or the bud cheek or something like that and inject it through there.

It's not the easiest thing to know. I'm ready for life. The testosterone would be like an, a vape option. Cause that'll be much easier for me or like a patch or something, but yeah, right now it's. The injections. It's a wonder if any drug companies are working on that. It's weekly. So just once a week injection.

Okay. So that's not too terrible. Yeah. Too terrible at all. Um, and that they kind of regulate it that way, because if you inject too much testosterone, let's say like, you wanted to really just advanced your, your transition, your medical transition. And you're like, I'm going to inject all of my testosterone.

Don't do that because it will actually, if your body gets too much testosterone, it'll start reverting it to estrogen. So it'll make more sense. It'll make you more feminine and slow down your process, even though you're trying to speed it up. So we're really go with what the doctor's saying, the amount that they give you and the timing that they give you, it has to be on point.

Almost almost like the birth control and like has to be at this time and has to be this amount and just each week go through that. So it really, so when we called you a toddler earlier, it's almost really as if you're like pregnant with yourself. Yeah, because it takes, so how long, so you said you're going through another puberty.

Yeah. Now my. My adult mind. Doesn't remember how long puberty last? Yeah. So how long are you? You like coached on that? This puberty will last, like you inject yourself every single week with testosterone. You're you're going through a second puberty. Have they? Do you like how long that will last until.

Your body starts to regulate. They, they said it's honestly, yeah. Up to your body itself. Cause I have friends who they're going on a year on T now and they're, they still, you know, kind of look like a 12 year old, but they're just, you know, more masculine 12 year old, they're more 15 year old right now, but, and then I've known other people who inject it and after a month they're already have a full beard and just.

There's they're so passing itself. So they said it's honestly up to how much testosterone your body naturally produces as well as how much and how regularly you do it this way. They, they explained to me that no matter how long I do this, I will always experience new changes. And so for the rest of my life, something different will pop up and I'll be like, that's new.

And just we'll keep going there. But they said that dramatic changes usually happen around six to eight months. That's when the voice really starts dropping, you know, hair comes everywhere and that's when it starts nine months to a year. You're kind of settling out itself. Okay. And what, sorry, what month did you start?

The testosterone? I have not started. No, you haven't. No, I have that. Nevermind. I have my first. Appointment to get my blood work and actually get the prescription at the end of this month. So that's, I know why. Cause I was like, well, you don't have any like acne. That was the first thing I was thinking.

Like, you go through acne, I'm assuming like, and a lot of people going through puberty go through acne. And so I'm looking at your like face that doesn't have any acting on it right out. I'm thinking, you know? Yeah. It will bring out a lot of more acne, like, um, just, just everywhere. They really said. But there's treatments for that as well.

Like, just be regular on your skincare, even though you're injecting you. That can't be the only thing that you're worried about. You still have to go through your, your reg killer hygiene and everything like that. Unless I like face scrubs and all that and keep. Your body maintain, but I will become more sweaty and more acne.

And so it's bigger. I'm assuming your body mass would get bigger when you're on testosterone. Yeah. It'll be bigger. Muscles will develop a little faster. And like, I go to the, that's one of my dysphoria things right now. Cause I go to the gym almost every day. I'm like, I'm still so this, and so it's, that's going to be like one thing that will, it will increase my muscle index and everything like that.

Okay. And then, so what else? Facial hair lowering. And this is again, a female to male transition on testosterone expectations from HRT would be that your physical body is going to get bigger and stronger. Your voice is going to drop. Are there any changes that you would expect your breast tissue to get.

Smaller. Yes. Um, actually there, my friend where we were kind of, when he was a, she at the moment, we were kind of similar in body structure. Now his breast tissue without top surgery, which is removing your breasts. Okay. It looks just like male pegs, male nipples. And so it's, it's completely passing and being able to like, if I could, yeah, I could do my testosterone and my shrink and I wouldn't have to go through top surgery.

I would absolutely love that, but you know, again, it's, it's different bodies. It's really what my body's going to do itself, but I try to approach it as I can't have certain expectations, because if you focus on the expectations of what you think you'll look like, it'll really just ruin your whole experience of what you will.

Eventually actually look like, and you'll, you know, kind of, at least I know I'll have the dysphoria, then it's like, I worked so hard to get to this spot. Why am I still trying to change the way that I am, even though this is what I've wanted all the time. So I've been trying to go, you know, add it more. So like, If it happens.

Cool. If not, like, if I don't get the beard or anything awesome. But like, I'm still going through my medical side and I'm doing what I can to really be true to myself. Right. I love that. You said that. And as we kind of like wrap up here, there's a couple of things I want to address. And this is like the model.

This is like the mom and me. Yeah. To you. Right. Is that. It is just as important for you to continue to focus on all of the things about you that have nothing to do with your body and dysphoria. Like, I love that you have mixed around all the pieces of the puzzle to find comedy, right. And to find these other things that are you, that have nothing to do with your gender, with your body.

What you look like on the other side of this, right? There was a counselor. I was with one time that said no matter where you go, there you are, no matter what you were there, you are, no matter what you look like, there you are. So it's just as important to that. We have that conversation that is, people are having these.

Feelings and these transitions and, and going on that path that were equally focused on, like, when you say who I truly am, that that goes so far and the gender, right. Looking at those things that you're passionate about, like comedy, like a career, like exercise and going to the gym, like Lake doing body.

Art. There are so many things that you mentioned today that have shown me so many more pieces of who you are that have nothing to do with gender. Does that make sense? And so that's the mommy and me, that's like, keep focusing on that too, like waking up and figuring out like, what brings me joy? Like what is it that sets my soul on fire.

Exactly. And, and going off that, like, yeah, the, the medical transitioning and you know, me. Wanting to present more masculine, more so a male or embody again, that's just awesome physical stuff. But like you were saying, you are always there and who am I besides being transgender. And so that kind of brings me back into the comedy, like, okay, what, what am I more so interested in talking right.

About what kind of, what can I really relay more? So, yeah. And that just, that just flows together. Like this is just, it's not a minor thing, but it's just so. Like on the diet, everything else. And the reason I bring it up is because my little sister, like I said, is also your age and there's this thing I don't, have you ever heard of the quarter life crisis?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh for sure. So that's why I was like, well also probably you have this added layer, you know, a second puberty, this like transition, but you also probably are going into your quarter life crisis where you're like, okay, you said you just moved out of your parents' house. The next chapter has definitely started.

It's just that fine line of the ending of the first segment of the life. And then now this part of really accepting, you know, who I am and being true to who I am in all aspects. That's like this new mid part of life. And so it's honestly fascinating for me and exciting because I'm like, There's so much more that I can do.

And there's so much in the world and the, now that I'm accepting of who I am and how I present to people, I feel so much more. Flowing with the universe itself because I am kind of, I am true to who I am. I'm accepting of me. And now I can do that with, yeah. Well, I hope that you add me as one more person that's in your support bucket and that you always remember that you, what you have tattooed, like you are not done.

So much leaf and I'm just so excited that you're embracing it. And like Shane is here, like goodbye Taylor. Yeah. Did you have to have kind of like a ritual or a ceremony to like, say goodbye to Taylor? Or was it like peace? It was, it was more so kind of like peace and well, so I was at the way that I've picked my own name itself is that I was just like, okay, what kind of, you know, flows with me?

What's, what's my story. And like, why this kind of something that. Can really encompass who I am itself. And then I'm with my, uh, you know, name being lane. I was like, I kind of want something to flow with it. So I was like, Shane lane sounds dope. So that is that exact exactly how I was going. I was writing comedy at the time to really figure out okay, what kind of names go with it?

And so, in a way it was sort of like a ritual, cause I'm like, I'm doing my comedy here goes that passed me and here's a new Mila. Let's do this. So yeah. Have you officially changed her name? Legally like on the, all the government documents and like for insurance and W2's and purposes, it is my birth name, but, you know, stage get rid of that pretty easy with North Carolina.

It's a little more, you know, tedious. I know, I know Carolina, but it there, our options, my friends are going through the process of changing their names. Now it's mainly like, you know, background checks and just, you know, just keeping everything. Solid like that. Yeah. So it will be a process in the future, but you know, focus on the, now I'm dealing with my getting my testosterone and that's really what I'm going to be dealing with in the next couple months.

This is really exciting. Yeah. Bef the very last thing that we're going to go that way. Is on your Instagram. Yep. Let's tell everybody how to find you. Okay. Is Shane Oh lane? And I was about to say I'm very interesting. So I spelled it an interesting way. It's S H a I N E O L a I N E. So Shane lane, both with that?

Yes. Even. Oh, in between? Yes. So on your Instagram, you have like an Epic, like snap that. Where you're like, thank you, Snapchat for all of the different, like, you can turn yourself, like, you know, put a beard on yourself. It's something to help your dysphoria. The reason I want to end on this is because if someone's like still listening all the way through the end and they're like, I still, I'm just not understanding dysphoria.

Right? Like, I'm not understanding like, you know what he's talking about. Right. I want everyone to open up their phone, get on Snapchat, Instagram. It's on Instagram. It's not note. So the filter itself is on Snapchat and they can have you do, you know, they have a male version and a female version. So like, if you're you identify as male, go try the female and it shows you how you would quote unquote present if you were the other one.

Yeah, I'm saying this because this is one of the very first things that helped me understand my family member. The way that they felt is. Putting a beard. Like I literally like did the filter and like put a beard on myself and like short air and I felt so uncomfortable. Like I felt so like, huh, like who is this person?

You know? And that everyone is what body dysphoria is. That is what we're talking about today. Like that feeling that I had for a minute, if you guys jump onto this filter and do it, like if you can't carry around that feeling for an entire day for an entire lifetime, through puberty, through elementary school, middle school or high school, like that feeling is why we're having this conversation because.

That suicide rate has to change. Like we have to become a culture and a society where like we embrace two spirits. We embrace a person's true self. We embrace that. God made each of us perfectly. Right. Yep. And I'm just so thankful that you were on today to share your birthday. I really appreciate it. Like inviting me to do this.

Cause this is, this was an amazing way to really celebrate my birth and just my birthday itself. Like, again, this is the new chapter and this is what's going to happen. Like things are going to happen and seeing this and being able to talk with you about it was just so amazing. I love your birth story and I'm proud of you.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Thank you for listening to birth story, Michael, if you'll walk away from each episode with a clear picture of how labor and delivery might go and that you will feel empowered by the end of your pregnancy to speak up plan and prepare for the birth you want, no matter what that looks like.