42 Dear Maximus Danger, Heidi's 43-week gestation Birth Story and prodromal labor

This special episode tells Heidi’s personal birth story of her oldest son Maximus Danger and how his journey to Earth was long, hard, and required flexibility of her mind, body, and heart. Heidi recounts her experience with prodromal labor, utilizing an epidural and hypnobirthing, and what it meant for her to have to let go of her own planned birth in order to bring Max into this world in the way that he needed, even if it wasn’t exactly in the way she had wanted.

Looking for a Virtual Doula to create a custom birthing experience and guide you through your journey to parenthood in the United States? Contact Heidi at www.mydoulaheidi.com

For additional free birth education resources and to purchase Heidi’s book, Birth Story: Pregnancy Guidebook + Journal, visit www.birthstory.com.

Want to share your thoughts on the episode? Leave a review and send a message directly to Heidi on Instagram.

TRANSCRIPTION

What does a contraction feel like? How do I know if I'm in labor and what does a day of labor look like? Wait, is this normal pay? I'm Heidi. My best friends call me hides. I'm a certified birth doula host of this podcast and author of birth story. An interactive pregnancy guidebook. I have supported hundreds of women through their labor and deliveries, and I believe every one of them.

And you deserves a microphone and a stage. So here we are. Listen each week to get answers to these tough questions. Birth story where we talk about pregnancy, labor deliveries. Where we tell our stories and share our feelings and of course, chat about our favorite baby products and motherhood. And because I'm passionate about birth outcomes, you will hear from some of the top experts in labor and delivery, whether you are pregnant, trying desperately to get pregnant, or you just love a good birth story.

I hope you will stick around and be part of this birth story family. Episode 42 I am recording this on April 27th, 2020 and is my oldest son, max is six birthday. If anyone missed it, please go to Instagram and look at my story. Highlights for parenting fails to see our hilarious scavenger hunt for their new puppy that ended in my son saying, this is the worst day of my life.

So welcome to parenting. Everyone. In episode one of the bursary podcast, I introduced myself and my birth story with my son Jagger, who is my second child, and just skipped right over the birth of max, my oldest, and there's many reasons for that. It has taken me many years to process Max's birth, the vision that I wanted as a birth doula and how everything kind of went right.

Upside down and opposite and how I have adjusted as a mom, as a partner, and as a birth doula because of Max's story. I didn't even sit down to write it for weeks and weeks and weeks, and I write for stories for a living because. I knew at some point I really needed to share this story with the world I ended up choosing today, and I think it's sort of fitting, it's the 42nd episode of the verse story podcast.

And in the birth story book, I actually published Max's birth story as chapter 41 and then Jaggers is chapter 42 so before I get into the birth story. I'm really excited about the launch of my book first story, because it's really like four books in one. It's an interactive guide to your pregnancy that goes through all 42 weeks.

That is a full journal with 42 journaling prompts. It has. Basis for reflections, 42 affirmations to help you. I mean, there's so many surprises I just don't want to give away, but it's really like investing in three or four different pregnancy books all in one. So my goal for sharing this story is that you will learn something today about what it's like to have a vision for your birth.

And then have to pivot, and I had to pivot because my baby had more knowledge about his birth than myself, my medical team, my doula, my childbirth educator, and I had to allow his birth to unfold in the manner in which. God designed for it to unfold. And we work together over many, many days. So I share this with you and hopes that you will remember my story if your story unfolds and your vision to has to pivot so that you still will walk away with a positive outlook and a beautiful birth, even if it looks different than what you had planned for it to be.

And then I hope you'll buy my book and get all of the details on 42 different stories that are education through storytelling. And let me tell you, as you read each story and you're like, what is that and what is that? The interactive guide to pregnancy part comes in because I'm teaching you with pop out all along the way, what all the terms are.

So the book is intended that you. Take what you need from it and really leave the rest behind. This seam is with the story I'm about to share. April 27th, 2014 dear Maximus, danger. I love you. Bug as at birth doula, I thought I had been writing my birth story for many years prior to getting pregnant with you.

The moms that I supported were listening and learning from me as they labored. But really I was the one listening in learning. I had the tools to help each of them in special ways, but I never understood the challenges that my doula clients faced or what they were experiencing until I became pregnant myself long before I became pregnant.

I concluded that everyone experienced the labor and delivery in a unique way. One thing that I knew for sure. The moms who avoided medical interventions had much better outcomes and experiences. So when your dad and I learned I was pregnant, we teamed up and committed to a natural childbirth through the Bradley method training and our instructor.

It was one of my great friends, Jamie McCollum. I had been with the same OB GYN since I was 18 years old. Now 35 I made the difficult decision to leave the large practice and the large delivering hospital for an experienced midwife and delivering at a smaller, more intimate hospital. A lot went right in my labor and delivery, and I attribute the glorious moments of childbirth to that single decision.

And to my amazing midwife, Sage. I was 35 years old in perimenopause and my periods were non-existent at best. I had used progesterone to, obviously I will never forget that smiley face on the Avi Alation stick as I grabbed your dad just eight days later, I had a positive pregnancy test. I counted ahead.

266 days of pregnancy from the date of conception, and I arrived at my guest date, April the sixth pregnancy was not easy for me. I spent the first 20 weeks very sick with nausea, fatigue, raging headaches, heart palpitations, and pretty minor incontinence. I was afraid to keep playing soccer and I easily gained 60 pounds.

I was so uncomfortable that I couldn't make it to work. After 36 weeks after week 41 of pregnancy came in when things really went downhill for me. I had been home for five weeks on pre maternity leave and I was just ready to meet you. So I disregarded all of my doula training and I went on a mission to go into labor.

Each day. Started with a two mile walk. I went to the chiropractor and the acupuncturist daily. I hooked myself up to the breast pump several times a day. I rubbed my belly with labor oil. I squatted and bounced and did hip circles on the birthing ball. I took long Babs and practice my hip. No birding.

Your dad and I had sex. I ate spicy food, inserted evening Primrose oil and drink red raspberry leaf tea. I did this on repeat every day on the evening of Wednesday, April 23rd. Something changed. I was now 42 weeks and three days along I was driving to acupuncture and the Braxton Hicks I had been having for a month were suddenly in a pattern.

I can actually feel them start peak and stop. It was so mild, I really had to pay attention, but for the first time it felt like a wave was surging. This was just what I was expecting for myself. Hypnosis. I woke up every hour to pee that night and at 2:00 AM I was feeling very crampy, like my period had just started.

The cramps woke me up every 30 minutes. At one point I thought I felt something wet in my underwear, so I got up to pee. I was losing my mucus plug and having some light bloody show. I texted auntie Samantha, who was my doula, albeit not officially trained at 4:30 AM to say the labor was beginning. The contractions increased into a nice pattern 15 minutes apart.

I was able to sleep through them. I woke up your dad at 5:30 AM and told him I was in early labor. I was in and out of sleep until 7:00 AM. I went to the chiropractor and acupuncturist with your Nana gene. By noon, the contractions were 10 minutes apart. Nana Jane had to drive home from acupuncture because I was starting to lose concentration when I got home.

Sam had arrived and your dad had returned from school. I tried to control the pace of labor by using the breast pump. Then see him and I went for another two mile walk with auntie Laurel. Contractions were sporadic during the walk, anywhere from nine to 17 minutes apart. This was the first time I thought, I'm in prodromal labor.

I was scheduled to have a non-stress test that day with the midwife, but I skipped it. And I was hoping I was going to go into actual labor. I decided to just try and ignore the contractions and see what happened. My contraction slowed down. When I slowed down and ignored them. We watched a movie. I wanted the room dark and cold, and while the contractions kept coming, they really started to space out.

The more I relaxed, they never got stronger. So there I was 42 weeks and four days along in prodromal labor, and I had skipped my non-stress test. We went for a walk again at 7:30 PM and I took another bath. By 9:00 PM the contractions came to a screeching halt and I went to bed exhausted, frustrated. I had a few contractions through the night, but nothing more than strong cramps.

I slept until 4:00 AM when the contractions picked up again. I ate cereal and called my midwives office. I wanted to check on you and see what in the world was going on. I was now 42 weeks and five days along the hospital was almost an hour away with traffic, so we left at 6:30 AM without an appointment.

I was able to see an OB as no midwives were available. I was one centimeter dilated in 50% effaced the doctor felt you and said, it seemed like you were about eight pounds and in a good position. Then the obstetrician announced, I've swept your membranes, even though I had not consented to this procedure.

I left the exam room in tears, feeling completely violated, and I went down the hall for the non-stress test. My contractions were five minutes apart on the monitor, but were very mild. Your heart rate was one 30 to one 60 beats per minute. Everything looked great with me and you, so I went home. The best guess was that I would probably birth you within the next day or two during the car ride home.

I was so uncomfortable and the contractions were much stronger than what I had felt the day before. After the membrane sweep. Your dad reminded me of all the things we had learned in our Bradley method training. We went to breakfast and about every eight minutes I had to put my head on the table and breathe through the contractions.

It just felt like a very strong period cramp with my whole belly getting tight. I knew I wanted to move. After breakfast, we went to the disc golf course to walk while your dad played at each hole. I had to squat or bend over to find comfort during the contractions. Sam and your dad would rub my back, but most of the pressure was in my lower front abdomen.

I was still talking and happy in between getting excited as the surge as grew stronger. I was ready for this. When I got home, the surges were six to seven minutes apart and much stronger. I got in the bathtub from two to 4:00 PM practicing my hypnobirthing Australia from Melissa spill steads surge of the sea.

At this point, I was moaning through each contraction and it was happy, relaxing alone. They brought me peanut butter and saltines to eat. I handled the contractions well, but I noticed that hours were going by slowly that night, my contractions increased to every four to six minutes apart and it helped to be doing hip circles on the birthing ball.

We watched movies. As I labored on the ball and in bed, I was talking and texting and paying attention to the world, so I knew it was still early. My contractions jumped to three to five minutes apart. By 8:00 PM I was tired and I wanted to rest, so we all went to bed. I tried to sleep between contractions and stayed lying on my side, but at midnight I had such a strong surge that it woke me up.

I struggled to get through it. I was scared and they wanted to go to the hospital. Looking back, I'm not sure why I wanted to go to the hospital so early. I think I was just so scared because I was so overdue. I was scared that my labor was taking a path that I had never seen before in any of my doula experiences.

I was scared that I would hurt you if I didn't get us help. I was in unchartered water and I didn't want to be driving in rush hour or during daylight. I was exhausted and the contractions are strong. It didn't want to drive in the car when the contractions or any stronger for over an hour. The reasons to go to the hospital for me were never ending.

When I told your dad did take me to the hospital, he started telling me that I was in early first stage of labor and encouraging me to not go. I responded with, I am not a piece of paper and quit looking at that Bradley method book. So at 1:00 AM we arrived at the hospital. I had to squat in the parking lot and was moaning through each contraction.

They were coming so hard and so fast. I could still talk a little bit in between. I knew I was going to triage because I knew I wasn't that far along and I was happy to see my midwife. Sage was the midwife on call. When she checked me, I had progressed to two centimeters dilated from the day before, but she said they would not consider this active labor.

I was devastated. I was confused. It certainly felt like labor. I was in pain. I was exhausted. I was everything. My dual clients had been over the years. My midwife said I could go back home or I could walk and see if I made any progress over the next few hours. So we walked because I was not getting back in that car.

If I could go back in time, I would have gone back home and climbed into my big comfortable bed. We walked for two hours. I was fighting contractions and embarrassment. I was judging myself for showing up too early and being totally wrong about what stage of labor I was in. Mentally I was losing it and I knew I had to get out of the hallways and get control.

Sage checked me again and said I was still two, maybe three. I lost it and started crying. I had prepared myself for 24 hours of labor, but I didn't know how I was going to labor for longer than that. I kept thinking about the one client I had. Who had a three day labor and all of a sudden I knew what was happening to me.

That was a whole lot of prodromal labor. That was a whole lot of discomfort from a membrane suite that I had not consented to. Sage read me well and agreed to check me into the hospital. She said to get in the tub, walk, sit on the ball, do anything to relax and see what cervical progress I could make.

Over the next couple of hours, I climbed straight into the tub in the middle of the night. The warm water and jets were amazing. I put on my hypnobirthing album and finally got into the groove. The surges grew in intensity throughout the night. As I moaned through each one and rocked my hips and turned my head in circles, I wanted to be alone, but I knew Sam and your dad were right outside the bathroom door.

Every now and then they would bring me water, but I was so far into labor that I started to lose the world. At this point, I have to defer to see him and your dad for a lot of the specifics, as I just remember feelings. I was working with each contraction well, but I wasn't feeling any new signposts of active labor other than continuing contractions.

Sage checked me again before her shift ended at 7:00 AM. And again, I had made zero change from the night before. I had progressed from one centimeter to three centimeters over several days, but the work that it took me to do that was incredible. I was mentally wrecked before active labor even started after being so exhausted from being pregnant for so long.

I said this age, be honest with me. The baby is too big. Right? I can't take much more of this. The baby is not coming out of me. Can I have a C-section? She sweetly encouraged me and reminded me that you were in fact coming, that you were in fact, the perfect size for my body. Yeah. I know this sounds absolutely absurd, but I lost all capacity to be rational.

Yeah. The contractions were so strong and so on top of each other. I was just barely coping and all I could think was I am in pain for no reason. No baby is coming. I asked for an epidural, but I never used my code word. Your dad see him and the nurse reminded me of my birth plan. They encouraged me and basically told me no the details following this or a major blur, but I just knew I needed God.

I put on a playlist of worship music and I started praying. I begged God for strength and to help remind me what was best for you. My team got me up and had me sit on the burning ball, leaning over the bed. I got into child's pose on the bed for many of the contractions. It also felt good to wiggle and dance with one leg up on the bed while squatting during a contraction.

At 9:30 AM my friend and massage therapist and that showed up at the hospital. She brought a special playlist that helps sooth the entire room. Lavender ice cloths were everywhere and the aroma therapy helped a lot. I was only happy when my ear phones or in my ear and everyone was leaving me alone. And got back into the bathtub at 11:00 AM and spent several hours and during three minute apart, contractions lasting for a minute.

I flipped from left side to right side to sitting up to child's pose in the bathtub. The contractions were coming harder and harder, and I remember that the jets would shut off every 20 minutes or so. Making things so much worse. The noise and the pressure of the jets help to distract and ease the pain.

At 12:30 PM I was given crackers, yogurt, and a Popsicle. Since I hadn't eaten in two days, I kept having to get up to pee. So it was really hard to stay resting for longer than 20 or 30 minutes, an hour leader. I told everyone that I just wanted my water to break, to release all the pressure I was feeling.

They kept giving me the imagery of the Hoover dam breaking to represent my bag of water, that the dam was comprised of all my fears and desire to control and I needed to let go of both to have you. I tried but it didn't work. I am so thankful they never gave up on me. When I was giving up on myself. I was just so damn tired.

It was April 26th two weeks and six days past my guest state about this time, the nausea set in that lasted the rest of the labor. I'm unsure exactly how many doses of Zofran I asked for, but it was a lot and it wasn't just nausea. I started throwing up around 1:30 PM Saturday and I threw up until the end.

I would throw up and pee at the exact same time because I had lost all control of bodily functions. I forged on praying to God. Sam and your dad were adamant that I just needed to walk. They knew I had spent so much time trying to relax in bed and in the bath and on the ball, but I needed gravity. As soon as my clothes went on, the hot flashes started.

I was sweating and miserable, but I left the room. All of a sudden there were bright lights and people and so many distractions. But labor was so involved at this point. The contractions just kept coming. Every few steps. Your dad would hold me and tell me to squat. I happened to be in the hallway when I ran into Molly, who is my doula mentor, what she came right over to me, got me into a deep squat, pushed on my hips and sides in a way that offered relief for the first time that no one.

Could offer to me other than a highly trained doula. I knew immediately I should have hired one, my sister and your dad, or amazing emotionally for me, but I needed someone that understood how to support my body physically through the surges. Like only a doula knows how to do. We ran into the midwife on call Tina in the hallway, and everyone surrounded me and cheered me on Molly being the angel.

She was decided to stay and help me for the rest of my labor. She also was training a new doula named Maggie. God sent me to angel doulas that day. With the support of Molly and Maggie. My attitude turned around and I started to feel like I could relax and let go. I had my two sisters, my husband, my massage therapist, and now my two doulas by my side.

I was surrounded by love and support and I felt like I could bereave you for the first time. Well, that was until Tina checked me at 4:30 PM and I was told that I was still three centimeters dilated and that technically it wasn't even considered by medical hospital standards that I was in active labor.

I was now 42 weeks and six days gestation. They said they needed to start augmenting my labor because I was failing to progress and I was too pregnant now for anyone's comfort. I was in so much pain that my mind wasn't protecting me. I was defeated. I had made zero cervical change. You are high up inside of me at a negative two station and they believed that you had flipped sunny side up.

All signs pointed to a C-section, but my midwife, Tina still believed in me. She was adamant that an induction would work and that you would come. I was so exhausted and in so much pain. I knew I had to release in a way that I couldn't relax myself for my cervix to open. This was also the point that labor became about me.

And not about you for the whole pregnancy. And the first few days of labor hall I wanted was what was best for you. But at this point, my focus switched to what was best for me. I realized I had to take care of me first. If I was going to get you to me. So I asked for the epidural at 4:30 PM it was a busy night because it took three hours before my epidural was placed and the augmentation was started with Pitocin.

Despite receiving two bags of IV fluid, my blood pressure dropped immediately. I looked up at the nurse and the anesthesiologist and I said. My ears are cloudy. I was passing out. They asked me if my ears were ringing as a blood pressure cuff. Read some number that sounded an alarm. I have a heart arrhythmia.

And I was pretty scared about getting ephedrine to raise my blood pressure, but they stabilized my blood pressure quickly with the medicine. Next, they laid me down to even out the epidural immediately. I felt like I couldn't swallow or breathe. The epidural was placed too high and ended up numbing my lungs and my throat.

I kept trying to breathe, but I wasn't sure if any air was getting in because it felt like I was suffocating, so they sat me back up to let gravity pull the medicine down and away from my lungs. Within a few minutes, I felt like I could swallow and I could breathe again. I didn't feel like I was going to pass out.

Everything had stabilized, so I fell asleep. Glorious sleep. I only remember waking up every now and then to throw up. My team finally got rest too. And your dad? He never left my side. Molly and Maggie stayed a while while your dad and I slept. They let me sleep all the way through the night. I was thankful for this rest in the hard sleep.

I remember knowing that you are fine being continuously monitored. I wasn't worried about you at all. At 7:30 AM they checked me again. It had been 12 hours since my last cervical exam and I was now dilated to five centimeters. You are still a negative two station and sunny side up, but Hey, I was in active labor.

Sage was back on call. I had been in labor for so long that I had rotated back to my original midwife and our leader and that the massage therapist came by again and massaged me around the same time. I remember everyone gathering around me and laying their hands on my belly. Every one in that room prayed over me and with me.

It was a Sunday. I hit 43 weeks gestation and I just wanted to be alone with your dad. He held my hand and we both fell in and out of sleep. He read me scripture and then I just slept the day away with my epidural. Sage checked on me around 11:00 AM and I was seven centimeters dilated. She suggested breaking my water.

I was so numb, but I never felt the bag of water erupt. Sage checked me again a 4:00 PM. And I was nine and a half centimeters dilated with just a lip of the cervix on one side. She was able to help pull back the rest of my cervix on the next contraction as I board down until I was complete. You would think that I would have been like celebrating and thinking, you are coming soon.

I just remember wanting to go back to sleep. It didn't even register that I was 10 centimeters. I closed my eyes for a little bit thinking I would just sleep until I had the urge to push. But around 5:00 PM the epidural stopped working. I woke up in tremendous pain and I was throwing up again. I wanted to press the button for more epidural to numb the pain, but because I was complete, Sage said I could either push the button or push you out.

I had to throw up again and again and again. Then my best friend, auntie Shawn was there. Where did she come from? Your dad said, why don't you push against the pain? So I started pushing on my hands and knees and it felt better immediately. Yes. My epidural had stopped working so much that I could get on my hands and knees.

I didn't even know if I was having contractions, but it was getting you to turn over and it felt better. My nurse, Sarah walked in and saw me on all fours pushing and when to get Sage. I don't remember much about the next three and a half hours. They turned up the Pitocin to help you out. I pushed with double peaking contractions.

Sam was physically pushing you up and over to the center of my belly since you had flipped over. Soon I was just pushing and could feel you moving down, Sarah, the nurse had me pull on a sheet playing tug of war with her. I had Sage give me a visualization and she said to push you up under and through my pelvic bone towards the ceiling.

I knew I was making progress because I could hear their excitement as the top of your head became visible, but I still had to get you under my pubic bone. I pushed and pushed, but I was on my back. My nurse was also in midwifery school and I had the idea to not push with every single contraction. This way, I would be less exhausted and make more progress.

We did this for a while and soon my ejection reflex triggered again because my epidural had stopped working and the urge to push was overwhelming. I was able to reach down and feel the top of your head. I knew you were coming out on the next contraction. Sage encouraged me to breathe you out and to just push a little rest and blow air out, push a little rest and blow air out to avoid tearing.

I only had a small tear because of her guidance. The last part of this story is my favorite. Despite everything I had been through, I was able to feel you kick off the inside of me and push yourself the rest of the way out. That was the last time I felt, you know, inside me. It was incredible. Sage lifted you up on my chest and I was in total shock.

You cried and stared at me. Maximus danger. You were born at 8:26 PM you weighed 10.6 pounds and were 22 and one fourth inches long. Your dad cut your umbilical cord after it completely stopped pulsating and we preserved the placenta for encapsulation. Now detached. I just stared at you and rubbed in your remaining vernix.

The nurse, Sarah pressed hard on my uterus and I was given Cytotec rectally. I didn't know it at the time, but I was having a severe postpartum hemorrhage, which was a complication from the trifecta. Being on Pitocin for so long, having a long labor and a very large baby. My uterus was just too tired. They stabilize the bleeding and I began to breastfeed.

You immediately basking in God's glory. I knew immediately, max, that you belong to God and were given to us and his trust to love and care for you much love mom. Thank you for listening to episode 42 and the birth of my son Maximus danger. I know there are a lot of hard parts and that story to listen to you.

It was also hard to write and to read back. I don't want you to listen to this story and be scared that any of these things are going to happen to you. I made decisions that were against medical recommendations to stay pregnant for 43 weeks. I made the decision to go to the hospital too early. I tell you this story so that you can listen to each of the parts, learn a few things about what it's like to pivot.

I surrendered to the epidural because it was a medical intervention that was a tool to help me achieve a vaginal birth when all signs were pointing to Syrian section. I hope that you will take the best parts of this story that you may use for your own preparation and leave the parts behind that are too negative or too scary or that won't serve you in your birth because this is my story.

It is not going to be your story.

Thank you for listening to birth story. My goal is you will walk away from each episode with a clear picture of how labor and delivery might go and that you will feel empowered by the end of your pregnancy to speak up, plan and prepare for the birth you want no matter what that looks like.